Friday, December 28, 2007

Have You Seen This?

The Vice Guide To Travel

Very interesting documentarian vignettes. Watch it. You'll thank me later.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Can't Stop The Bum Rush

I think that is the name of a Len cd. Remember Len? Their popular song was, "Steal My Sunshine." It was a great song using samples from Andrea True Connection's, "More, More, More." Word.

Anyways, even though it isn't atrociously cold and snowy up here, I find the blues or bums or sads or whatever you want to call them pumping through my blood lately. I can't seem to shake these unhealthy thoughts this week.

I need an adventure. A good one at that.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Clash Of The Choirs

What is wrong with me? Why can I not seem to stop watching this train wreck of a television show? I definitely need to look into getting a life one of these days.

Patti Labelle RAWKS!!!

I wonder...

Would it be weird if I brought my little pink Fuji to the Bally's tomorrow and started surreptitiously snapping pictures of the random people I have become enthralled with over the past two weeks post-beginning of Operation GymRat?

There are definitely a few fellow gymrats who deserve to have themselves forever immortalized in my blog. Ehhh, I'll have to sleep on this.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I've done it again...

Waited until the last minute to do my holiday shopping. I promised myself I wouldn't do that this year, but I guess I just had to break that promise to my self. Way to go, Karoline! It's not that I am stingy or whathaveyou, I just hate shopping at the malls. Especially at this time of year.

Not your typical hate either. The hate of thousands of haters kind of hate. Millions of haters, even. I break out in hives and cold sweats when I think about even having to run an errand at the mall, or a store that could be construed as a mall-esque store (read: Best Buy, Bed Bath & Beyond, etc.).

I don't know what is wrong with me when it comes to this time of year, but something intrinsically rebels and I can't motivate myself to venture out into the public shopping I put the shopping off...and continue to put it off until the last possible minute. And then I end up going at the WORST POSSIBLE TIME. The last days before Christmas. AWESOME. Not so much.

On another note, I lopped a bunch of my hair off today. I feel good about this haircut. Just say no to helmethead.

Thursday, December 13, 2007


To quote Charlie Brown. It's just been one of those weeks.

x365, I'll get back to you. Let's shoot for Monday, December 17th this time.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Operation GymRat

How is it 1120PM on Sunday night already? ARGH!!!

Tomorrow begins Operation GymRat.

Since deciding to give up playing in the derby for the next year or so due to both mental and physical health reasons, I think it is imperative I continue to exercise regularly, so I am hitting up the Bally's at least five times a week. This week I will be happy with four times, though.

Over the next year, I hope to get back into higher-octane running again. I am planning on doing my first half-marathon in two years this May 2008. And being that I would like to see myself place in the top hundred for this, I need to train wisely - unlike the great USAF marathon training debacle of 2003 - and eat more intelligently. I think I can pursue this type of running again as long as I maintain a healthy level of training and eating nourishing foods consistently.

I can do this. Oh yes, I can.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Happy Birthday To ME!

I am thirty today.



Thursday, December 6, 2007

Hate Crimes Bill Dropped. LAME.

Yes. Let's set the Civil Rights Act back several years. WTF?!

U.S. Congress Drops Hate Crimes Bill

Baby, It's Cold Outside

MINI and snow dump
Originally uploaded by
Knoxville, I miss you already.

Yesterday marked the first, real, bona-fide snow dump of 2007 in the city of the Cleves.

This weather makes me want to hibernate, not exercise, and put on seven pounds of winter weight.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007


My life is in constant states of movement. Physically and emotionally. I know I mentioned it a few posts ago, but I recently moved geographically - AGAIN. Two times in one year. Not what I necessarily wanted to do, but something I needed to do for the time being. I am not sure how this move will all pan out for the shorter long-term, but the not knowing is sometimes the best part of new adventures and chapters in one's life.

On that note, I will be resuming my x365 on Monday, December 10th. After my 30th birthday. Wowee. Thirty.

Thursday, November 29, 2007


Today I will have Adventures in Legwarmers. Pictures to follow...

Sixteen plus hours later...


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I made more than just the red ones, but I only photographed the red ones. Why, you might ask? Well, because I was going for a four mile run in the thrity-two degree fahrenheit weather and the red ones matched my red winter cap. More legwarmer pr0n to come in the coming daysweeksmonths.

None of this would be possible without the directions from ariel at I still need to introduce myself to her...long live the lurker!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Bumper Sticker

You must be the change you want to see in the world.

Quote from Gandhi. Saw that o
n a bumper sticker tonight whilst out cruising in this crispcrisp weather. Too bad it wasn't on a Smart Car, but rather, on an SUV. Not even a hybrid SUV. Ugh.

Oh, how these little things get to me.

smart, smart car.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I have a confession to make.

I keep spreadsheets of all the books I read so I can keep a running total of how many I read on an annual basis, as well reference particular genres I classify books by in order to revisit certain texts that are relevant to my life at any given point in time.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Remember These?

Before Dairy Queen put Oreos in their Blizzards, there were these:
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

You may remember them better by an up-close shot:
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

The cookies shown above also made special appearances in your kindergarten class at snacktime alongside Fudge Stripe cookies, Grasshopper cookies, and Chocolate Covered Grahams. Oh yeah, and a pint of Meadow Brook milk.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

I have a confession to make.

I still watch Desperate Housewives regularly. Heaven help me.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

On the road again...

Moving. Again.

I hate it. But I love it. And I cannot seem to stop doing it.

Lately, I have been pondering why I am sooo sociopathically nomadic. Like what is the root cause of this high need...borderline(complete) move?

Could it just be that I am a complete commmitment-phobe?

Or moreso, is it duality of the aforementioned?

This is something I feel I should figure out in the near future.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Case of the Crazies

Lots of craziness in my life as of late. I wonder what I've been doing to bring this insanity into my world. At any rate, minor hiatus has been occurring and I think I need a couple more days. Best not to pontificate at this time.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

One Moment In Time

i broke my heart for every gain, to taste the sweet, i face the pain...

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


That is all.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Getting out of bed today was a bad choice.

Today I was going to write the second installment of my timeline and I am not feeling inspired, so I probably should not. I am the epitome of cranknasty right now. I can't seem to stop the bum rush either. The cranks just won't go away no matter how much I meditate, will it, try to think positively, etc. Sooooo, I'll see where the rest of the day takes me.

Brief snapshot of my day thus far: It started off badly with me rolling out of bed at 752AM when I had a 900AM interview. In Maryville. A forty minute drive from my apartment if there is no traffic. Forty. Minute. Drive. And no traffic?! Ha! NIIICE, right? No.

Then my hair wouldn't do anything short of a Spock-esque 'do. Yes, from Star Trek. No, I have not yet taken a picture, but will try to do so before the product loses its hold. Haha. This is also nice, right? No.

I get to the interview on-time, even seven or eight minutes early...thank you MINI. But I am cranky without appropriate caffeine consumption and bomb out when responding to the questions asked of me. I just know it. My answers to the questions were horrible. Horrible. Had I woken up on-time and consumed at least two 20 ounce bottles of Diet Coke, I would have been ok. But no. I didn't even have 10 ounces of Diet Coke. Anyways, you know how you just know things sometimes, I just know it. And knew it. Even if the hiring manager liked me, the VP of HR certainly didn't as he called me by a different name as I was leaving. Triple NIIIIICE, right? No.

I leave the interview, get in my car. Only to find the service engine light ignited yet again on the domey thing above my steering wheel. This is just what a recently full-time unemployed chica known as me needs right now. Sure, I have freelance, but bill cycle and payout times aren't always consistent. AWESOME. No.

Then I get home. Something smells unsavory in my apartment. What do I do? Start taking stuff out of my derby bag only to find a rotten banana in one of the "secret" pockets in my bag. It has got to be at least two weeks old because I only put food in my bag on bout dates. October 27 was our last bout. And why did I not smell it whilst up north? Because the temperature ranges from coldest to coldestest up there. So the hey nanner nanner must have frozen in my car. Frozen = No Smell. Gross. Yes. AWESOME. No.

I then get so frustrated about the banana and the interview that I decide I should go to the library to be more productive in my job search. Need to get the hell out of my apartment, you know? So I pack up my laptop bag, grab a hat and sweatshirt. I go outside and it is freaking monsooning. I decide to forge ahead. Yeah. The freeways are flooded and everyone is driving horribly and I swear I hydroplaned a few times. I swear. I thought I was going to die. FANTASTIC. No.

Arrive at the library only to find that I forgot my power c(h)ord at home. Yes, it is symphonic. Anyway...I thought I packed it. I thought about turning around and going back out to get it, but then thought I didn't want to die today, so I stayed. EXCELLENT. No.

And now I am here writing this blog with 35% of my battery power left and there are too many high school kids milling around having social hour and being all upspeaky and teenagery. And I want to spit poisonous darts at them just to get them to shut up already...didn't they learn the library is for quiet time? Go to a private room or go somewhere else if you are going to talk so LOUDLY.

And then on top of it all, there is this kid sitting right behind me who breathes really heavily. Like he has a deviated septum on crack. And if you know me well, you know that I think the heavy breathing quality is one of the most abhorred afflictions I think someone could possess. I want to spit darts at all heavy breathers, too. Especially this one. OMG.

Thus far, today is something I could conceive as being a hell. My hell. Today. Right now. It better get better. Or else. Something. But I don't quite know what that something is.

Funny, I haven't asked for patience lately, but it seems I am getting hella tested.

What is up with that?

Friday, November 9, 2007

This Just In...

According to many of the holiday commercials going on this year, I, as an aesthetically pleasing female, will apparently love you forever and kiss you until death do us part if you buy me some diamonds from Zales.

Yes, apparently love can be bought. Love is a commodity to be purchased, traded, and/or bargained for during the holiday season of 2007. Or has the concept of LOVE AS COMMODITY always been around - dating back to paleolithic times? Yes, I do think it goes as far back as that.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Quote, End-Quote

In dreams I open my mouth and butterflies come pouring out. But what happened wasn't a dream. What happened was real. I opened my eyes and the shadows took shape. They folded into origami wings. I opened my eyes and began to see.

I opened my eyes and out flew bats.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Ice, Ice Baby - To Go, To Go...

Yes, I know I have those lyrics written incorrectly. No, I do not care. I used to think that was how the Vanilla Ice classic went. You know, back in the day of L.A. Gear sneakers, rugby shirts courtesy of the Gap, ESPRIT jeans, and slouchy socks. And don't forget the hair. I was never super-tease-a-licious like one of my five older sisters used to tease the mane. One year, this particular sister's hair was actually cut off in her school portrait because the photographer couldn't fit it all in the frame, but I certainly cannot say I NEVER fell victim to the pooftease. HAHAHAHA. Classic.

Much to my chagrin, it has been ice-storming up here. Grrrreat. I don't miss this weather. Nope, not at all. I am supposed to be leaving the northeast part of the country on Sunday or Monday. Hopefully the weather decides to shape itself up and stop being a complete buttface. There is not much else worse than being stranded somewhere when all you want to do is leave. Times like these really tend to clearly display my idiosyncratic nomadic needs and ways.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Angst and Catharsis

Oh man. Do not read old, angsty CRAP you wrote as a teenager at 145AM on a school night while you are alone in a room with nothing but your computer, books, and itunes to keep you company. Seriously. This leads to serious cases of the hotface, laughter, tears, shifty eyes, and knotted stomachs. Do not venture into unchartered territory alone. Better to do it in a public forum.

I wish I could attend a Cringe night in NYC right now...or at least go on tour so I could have it more accessible. I think reading this crap out loud to total strangers would be quite cathartic.

And you know, it's all about me. Haha. Seriously.

Saturday, November 3, 2007


On my journey up from KnoxvilleTN to EriePA on Monday, I drove through CincinnatiOH. While coasting along Highway 71 North, you encounter a fairly long tunnel. I held my breath through it. Just like I used to do when I was a kid and we were on family trips to visit one of my sisters in NashvilleTN. Funny thing, though. The tunnel is not nearly as long as I remember it to be. Or maybe as I've grown up, my perceptions of things that I once held as so much larger than life and monumental in my mind have diminished.

When I was a child, I remember barely being able to hold my breath the entire length of the tunnel. Twenty years later I hold my breath like a pro. Has the passing of time and maniacal exercise and smoking the P-Funks helped expand my lungs? Do I have a larger capacity to hold my hot air inside of me?

Just a thought on a random Saturday evening.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Decade One

I posted this in two of my other blogs a little while ago, but thought it would be good to repost here as I am participating in NaBloPoMo AND my 30th birthday is coming up in a month, so I have two more decades to contribute to the concept which Maggie Mason talks about in her book. Word.

My first decade...

Age 1: I cry all the time. My dad hits me.

Age 2: Walking is not an option for me at this point in my development. My mother and sisters feed me all the time in order to keep me from crying for fear of our father beating us. I am too fat to walk, but I sure can read.

Age 3: I want to be a Solid Gold dancer. I twirl in my pink tutu while watching Dionne Warwick on the television. I fall on the coffee table smashing my front teeth into the wood. My top two front teeth turn grey.

Age 4: I do not go to pre-school. I am told I do not need it. I am elated I don't have to go like all my neighborhood friends. I like to read the dictionary.

Age 5: Kindergarten testing. I am obstinate and refuse to take the IQ test. It is determined that I am "retarded" so I am placed in the lowest level learning groups. I star in our class production of Chicken Little. I am told, "You're not fat, you're just husky."

Age 6: Mrs. McClure realizes I am not "retarded," but rather, "quite smart," after I am caught sneaking to the fifth grade section of the library to read their books. I am taken for extensive testing and am moved to the highest levels; this wreaks havoc on me internally as I am now an outcast with both the "slow" kids and the "whipsmart" kids. My parents get a divorce.

Age 7: Mom attempts suicide. I discover her. I do not know what to do so I scream for someone in the house to call the police. Mom survives and goes to the mental hospital for months. Me and three of my sisters are shipped off to live separately at different houses.

Age 8: I'm back at home. We're all back at home except for my father. I resent my mom and vow to myself that I will never be like her. I meet my best friend, Dayna.

Age 9: Mrs. Drexler reads the word, "penalized," as peee-nuhll-eyesd. I snicker to myself. It sounds like penis. I never heard it pronounced out loud like that in my life. By this time I have already read my mom's mammoth hard-covered dictionary three times, so I know it is pronounced that way, but hearing Mrs. Drexler say it that way makes me blush.

Age 10: In fifth grade health class we watch a movie called, "Julie's Story." It's about a girl who gets her first period. I pass out while watching it. After the movie is over, we are given goody bags with maxi-pads and tampons in them. My closest friends have already gotten their first period. Not me. I am a latebloomer.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

NaBloPoMo Kicks Off...

And I have absolutely nothing on my mind to write about today. I've been stewing on my NaBloPoMo writing plans for well over a month, and yet today I am empty, so I am writing about that. Maybe later I will feel inspired and will write about rainbows and lollipops. Or not.

Being up north is very interesting to me.

Monday, October 29, 2007


I look like a cancer patient. Don't ask and I won't tell.

On another note, I am headed up north. Leaving shortly. Just have to put everything in my suitcase, pay my rent, get some bills in the mail, and to the freeway...

Think positively for me. I could use it right now.

Friday, October 26, 2007

I need to do my posts for numbers twenty-five and twenty-six. Hopefully I will get to it tonight...

Sadly, it hasn't been paramount to me as I have just discovered the joys of television show watching online (not youtubing) and have been kept up late at night this week catching up on House and Criminal Minds. I am a slacker. Yes.

Also, I am stressed beyond belief of not having a full-time job. I do think I secured some consult/freelance business today, so maybe I'll have December's rent paid.

I really don't want to be forced to move back north. I am not ready to face that. I do not know if I will ever be ready to face that in the next year. Hell, I've already planned on Thanksgiving time down here or in Kentucky caving by myself.

Which leads me to wonder what is wrong with me. Why do I not so much want to see my family or few friends I have up north? Why do I not plan on spending holidays down here with the few friends I have made here instead? Why am I compelled to go and do some solitary activity/adventure?

Probably because I know it will balance me. Balance me in ways that I need, otherwise I am not whole. Not me.

Many people don't understand this component of my personality. Sometimes I don't even understand it, but I know it works. Most of the time. Sometimes I do want companionship and all that jazz, but all relationships, be it platonic or romantic or both, are two way streets and I often find that many people don't understand that.

I know when I lack. I know when you lack.

I also know when you lie to me and tell me you are my friend, when in reality, you are not. If people are really your friends, they do put forth the energy and efforts and don't throw hissy fits when things don't go their way or the way that they projected them to go and then cut you out of their lives when things don't go as planned. So to me, just because I might be off the radar for a few days, does not mean that I am not your friend or that something is up or whatever it is people think.

If you are my real friend, you understand and respect my need to get away and I will speak with you about my experience(s) when I am back inasmuch as I would you; But if you REALLY need me, I will emerge from my solitude time to help you. If you actually need me and aren't just being unsure of your placement in the friendship which goes both ways, you know? And just because I might go off the radar, is that real justification for deciding to stop being my friend? I don't think so.

I know I don't do that to people I actually care about, and you see, that has happened to me recently down here in Knoxville. Been on the receiving end of passive-aggressive, overly needy friendships where people freak out if you aren't as available to them as they think you should be. Stress on the "think you should be."

It never ceases to amaze me how utterly juvenile grown adults can be.

On the other hand, I am glad to have learned things like this in a shorter timeframe than I have in the past. This is good. From pain, I grow. From pain, I grew.


And here I thought I had no time to write...

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

What are you up to this weekend?

This weekend I will be participating in a sweat. I've been anticipating this for awhile.

I know I am ready for this in the spiritual-sense, but the physical sense, we shall see...curious to see how this goes.

For your reading pleasure:
gonna make you sweat.

Select Plath Quotes

-- And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.

-- Kiss me and you will see how important I am.

-- I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my eyes and all is born again.

-- Dying is an art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call.

-- I talk to God but the sky is empty.

-- Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.

-- I do not want a plain box, I want a sarcophagus
With tigery stripes, and a face on it
Round as the moon, to stare up.
I want to be looking at them when they come
Picking among the dumb minerals, the roots.
I see them already-the pale, star-distance faces.
Now they are nothing, they are not even babies.
I imagine them without fathers or mothers, like the first gods.
They will wonder if I was important.

-- I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want.

-- I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery—air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, 'This is what it is to be happy.'

Saturday, October 13, 2007


Losing my most recent job has quite possibly been one of the best things that I have experienced since moving to Tennessee. What kind of lunacy is this?! How could losing one's job be a positive?

Well, with every negative there is a positive, and while I was hyperfocusing on the negative over the past week, I had a flash of positivity yesterday. And while it was a flash, it morphed into a genuine moment of brilliance. Thank goodness that tempest amidst the storm appeared. So what did this moment lead to, you might wonder...well, it led to me getting off my butt, but also something else.

Now I have a project. I am not going to share exactly what it is, but it has to do with writing and documentation and it has not yet been produced by anyone else. I researched it, and there is definitely a market for what I am pursuing.

Even though I know I will face a lot of rejection in this endeavor, when it does come to fruition, I will be using/saving most of the proceeds to start-up the non-profit I've been stewing on for years and years. And that will be fantastic. Just the prospect of working on one smaller project to help achieve a larger project for the greater good, and actually doing it, is fantastic.

I am terribly excited about this, and am curious as to how long it will take. I am putting my proposal together and once that is finished, I can shop it around and hopefully someone will bite. If not, I will self-fund and self-produce.

Proactivity v. Stagnation. Action v. Inaction. Positive v. Negative. I have not much time for any of the latter parts of the aforementioned various battles I have with myself and the people with whom I come into contact on a fairly regular basis.

I feel a creative rebirth. This is good.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Note to Emotion-Mind:

Be mindful of what you say. Lately you speak and verbalize more than you are used to doing and it is starting to making you feel stupid and idiotic. As your Rational-Mind, it is my duty to remind you that the emotionlotion you often experience is not often to the same extent as that of others. You proceed full throttle in everything you do, and that can be challenging for others to understand.

So maybe you should shut your mouth.

And not that speaking is a negative thing, but sometimes your feelings aren't what matter and people often don't really care. And it is unwise to fool yourself or try to convince yourself otherwise. And while sharing is enlightening to you (and possibly others), bear in mind that when speaking about your feelings, it opens you up to a whole new world where you may not feel comfortably contained. And while I know you crave new experiences and changes and loves and losses, and you are comfortable with the aforementioned and more, you are not the most comfortable with speaking.

So again, maybe you should shut your mouth.

As your logical side, I am stepping in to forewarn you. You have made some huge strides forward and positive life changes over the past several months, and I don't want to see you fall on your ass and break it beyond repair.

With Your Best Interests in Mind,

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


While I was out adventuring along I-40W today, it was all I could do to contain my intense need to goGOgo. "Go" in the sense of flight. That whole fight or flight concept. You see, I-40W takes me to I-30W, which also takes me to I-20W, and then finally to I-10W.

What is off of I-10W? Tucson, Arizona. I miss the desert, but moreso, I miss my non-sexual soulmate - my punks. I haven't spoken or written to him in quite awhile. And I know that the next time we do talk, it will be like we never stopped talking. Gosh, it hasn't even been a month, but it feels like an eternity.

I miss the superconnection. The Level.

When we are together we don't even have to talk to know what the other is thinking. It's as though as each brain synapse (mis)fires, we read the language before it is ever verbalized or even displayed in body language.

This is the Level.

Not many friends could get through some of the crazy stuff we've been through together unscathed, but somehow we have both managed to forge ahead and emerge relatively unscathed and a stronger force to be reckoned with...I don't recommend you test us, though. You probably couldn't handle it.

I know I will never have another friend like him and I am willing to bet he won't either. Over ten years of friendship, and I cannot imagine my life without some semblance of his presence in it.

Punks, you are my heart.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Not a Legend In My Mind

This morning I had a dream that you were magically in Knoxville.

Emerging from the fog and rain, sauntering in my direction. I gave you the once over and decided you simply disgusted me with your mask of pseudo-sincerity while wearing a "muscle" shirt with the sleeves and neck cut out of the material.

I spit in your face.

It was sweet vindication.

New York.

You write to me and your language intrigues me. You write to me and I feed off of what you choose to nourish my brain with on any particular day.

This dance that we perform every time we interact. Online. Telephonically. In-person. The beauty in the what is not being said, perplexes, humors, chafes me.

New York is always on my mind.

Friday, October 5, 2007

work blargh

not working sucks. thend.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Lately eating has lost its luster to me. This worries me a bit. For the past while, I eat because I know my body needs the fuel, not because I have hunger cues and not because I enjoy it. Because I don't.

At least not lately. It's like open mouth, insert food - because I have to do it. If I don't, I won't have the energy I need and my body won't function the way I need it to function. Sometimes I hateHATEhate this aspect of my being.
On my way home from derby practice last night I realized I was running uber low on my smokie treats, so I of course stopped at a gas station to make the purchase that kills me one inhale at a time. You know what happened? I am going to tell you.

I was almost NOT sold ciggies because I apparently look like I am not eighteen years old. Okay people, I will be thirty years old in two months plus three days. Thirty. And I somehow don't look eighteen.

The older guy behind the counter checked my ID, then looked at me, checked my ID, looked at me. You know, gave me the twice over. Then he had his co-worker examine it...the older woman of doom. She gave me the thrice over while I started pulling out credit cards or ANYTHING to prove I was over the age of eighteen. The woman of doom finally said that it "looked like a valid license" and they could sell them to me.

So then me and my social retardededom offered to show them my roots so they could see my greys and natural color, but the lady snapped at me and said a LADY NEVER SHOWS HER ROOTS. Okay there day-glo orange woman. Whatevs. Just give me my smokes.

Was this a sign I should stop smoking? Probably. Am I going to adhere to the sign at this time? No, I am not. I shall enjoy my p-funk all-stars for the time being. I am smoking a lot less than I used to and am down to about one point five to two packs a week. And that, my friends, is progress. Perfection doesn't happen overnight.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007


I hear you're driving someone else's car now
She said you came and took your stuff away
All the poetry and the trunk kept you kept your life in,
I knew that it would come to that someday...

Tonight is the blast from the past night. The night where I get to listen to everything from Rob Base to The Pixies to The Beatles to Concrete Blonde to Big Punisher The Police to Tones on Tail.

Right now I am listening to Concrete Blonde and thinking about how well the lyrics are written. I think I need to vacation in the brainchild of the lyrics. The song, "Caroline," although spelled differently from mine (Karoline), I see such a correlation in colors; Even though I know the lyrics weren't written for me, there is that something about it where I can see myself starring in the movie of my life.

No, not as a stripper. Those of you who may be familiar with the video. But rather, with how I have been throughout my life. Where I might be to this day. Where, in my brain, I go.


This is interesting:
shut up, just shut up, shut up.

Monday, October 1, 2007

scratch it

i am deleting my vox. keeping blogger. building my own site - finally! but until i get it all figured out, i will be using this as my primary blogosaurus rex largely due to national blog posting month coming up and another project i want to get involved yeah. that's all i have to say about it right now. but we all know i will have more to say later...

Friday, August 31, 2007


i really should post in here more often. or actually follow through with my own site. yeah.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

lame ways to spend the day(s) you are sick

i posted this on myspace, but thought i would x-post here, too.

lame ways are as follows:
-- upload pictures onto your flickr account – which will inevitably lead to irritation on your part

For instance, I spent the better part of two good hours today (Saturday, Feb 17th) uploading pics form my August 2006 trip to Maine to my flickr, and about 84 pictures into the whole process, I thought it would be better to break down the entire Maine set (which was going to be over 200 pictures) into smaller subsets - Acadia, Bar Harbor, Portland Head, Moosehead Lakes, etc. so what do I do? I go into batch organize and delete 25 pics after I had already created my Portland Head subset and guess what? Flickr decides I want to delete both the pics in the Maine set AND the Portland Head subset. SOOOOO irritating. Ugh. I've about had it.

-- spend the day thinking about all the delicious food you want to eat, but are unable to eat because it hurts too much to chew and swallow

Mastication is not over-rated. Right now, I would really kill someone if it meant I could chow down on some delicious cavatelli or prierogies or tacos or pizza or ANYTHING. But definitely not any more chicken bouillon or freeze pops. It's been THREE days since I have been able to get something solid and crunchy down my esophagus (sp?). I am jonesing for some celery. Some carrots. SOMETHING, ANYTHING THAT I CAN CHEW.

-- watch movies while sucking down copious amounts of freeze pops

Over the past three days, I have watched five movies. And sucked down about fifty freeze pops. But these were not all good movies either. Freeze pops, always delicious. Movies I watched were: The French Connection, Imagine Me & You, But I'm a Cheerleader, Just My Luck, and Forbidden Secrets. The last two were definitely departures from my usual choices. Don't get me wrong, I heartheartheart a good chick flick and Lindsay Lohan…well I like her in her chick flick movies, but Just My Luck sucked. It sucked in much the same way me losing my Portland Head Light pictures sucked. Forbidden Secrets is a LMN classic. It has Kristy Swanson in it – original Buffy – but something about it is chapping my ass. Maybe because it sucks in much the same way that Just My Luck did for me. Where's Carol Seaver when you need her…wait, no, her real name is Tracey Gold. Yes. Where is she, when you need her and her LMN resume to intervene and supply good mindless movies for you to view in the midst of an antibiotic and sleep-aid haze?

-- try to eat popcorn because you want to chew SOMETHING, but then have that experience backfire on you because you can't swallow solids for some reason

I hate you cruel, cruel world. I'm in a place in my life where I actually want to eat and I can't. The world works in funny ways, I suppose. Laugh. You know you want to and you know I am.

-- look up spoilers for this coming week's Grey's Anatomy episode

LAME. I said it. My weekend has dwindled to me researching spoilers regarding the melodramatic show on the ABC network, GA. Make fun of me all you want. I know some of you watch the show, too. Don't deny it. I'm stuck in between wanting Meredith to die and to not die. In one way, I would be exceedingly happy since I detest her raspy voice, watery eyes (not to mention one eye is slanty a lot like Shannen Doherty's), and her pseudo-Renee Zelwegerrist stance. But on the other hand, I don't think my strange fascination with the show would continue without Ellen Pompeo. While I don't like her, I do like her. Both Ellen Pompeo and the character she plays – Meredith Grey.

-- order witty shirts from threadless with money you don't really have to spend at the moment

All I have to say is f(x) = sheep(x)m. Do you have a shirt that says that? I didn't think so. Do you want to wear a shirt that says that? I didn't think so either. I am senseless.

-- cruise amazon looking for new books that pique your interest

Just so I can order them from used booksellers and get a book for $2.50 instead of $8.99. While I love my half-price books and borders, the used booksellers on amazon tempt me oh so much. Especially when I am sick and home alone spending money I should not be spending on things like books. What I should do is go to the library and check some books out and read them that way. But then that leads to me not having paperbacks (my favorite) because libraries often only have hard-covers available of the books I want to read…and it leads to me not being able to dog-ear and write in the margins of the books. I have some pretty bad habits, don't I? I do. I really, really do.

-- write really bad musings and chuckle when you go back and reread because, "man, you haven't written anything this bad since your freshman year of college."

Oh the angst. The angst of being 18-19 years old and writing your woes down for all advanced freshman composition teachers to read and criticize. Writing your woes down for that intermediate poetry class you somehow got into as a freshman, all the while having your woes shot down because you wrote/write like Bukowski and, "he's not a real writer in the American canon." It is what it is. And today – to this day – you cannot take that away. I suppose that is why I was an immense failure in the poetry/fiction creative writing schools of thought, but succeeded and did and do very well in the non-fiction school(s) of thought.

Being sick and wasting away in front of my computer and the television is not how I would ideally like to spend my weekend. Especially because I waste away in front of my computer during the week. It gets tiring, you know? I guess I just wanted to complain about that. Nothing interesting to note, other than that I am mad at the world. And technology. And my doodle eye. And my doctor for not giving me Tylenol with Codeine. And my stomach. And Shonda Rhimes. And Orville Redenbacher. And my lungs. And my throat. And youtube for not having a Positive K video on their site.

That is all. That is enough.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

scythian empire

i'm currently addicted to this song. in my sickness, i cannot help but listen to it.

being sick sucks. i know, call me captain obvious. but seriously. i've had it. 2007 was supposed to be a better year for my health. and now i am so sick, i can barely even get myself off the couch. but when i do, it is to rush to the bathroom only to remind myself that even though i am 29 years old, i am still a child prone to accidents. read into that what you will. i am tired of this already.

so i went to the doctor and it turns out i have a severe sinus infection and a pretty bad upper respiratory infection. funny, i thought i had the latter. but a sinus inFUCKtion?! i've NEVER had a sinus problem in my life. welcome to ohio, i guess. and i am having stomach virus issues. yesss...let's just add that to the mix. the doc put me on zpack but thus far it is not working. i am supposed to go back if i am not cleared up by tuesday. grrreat.

the only good thing about being this sick means that i have no reason to leave my house. but i need to clean my house and i can't even do that without fear of randomly vomiting or having the rhea cha cha cha.

right now i am cursing the world.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

eff this snow

i was in eriePA over the past four days. i was only supposed to be there for three, but we got shat upon by the weather gods and so did cleve-o, so i stayed an extra day.

i am tired.

i do not want to write about the fact that i was shovelling snow for an hour or two. i do not want to write abbout how it was so cold outside i started crying as a physical reaction to the cold. i do not want to write about how i could only get my car far enough into my driveway so that no one could hit it in the street. i do not want to write about how i thought i had frostbite on my mid to upper thighs - you know, since the snow in my driveway ranged from knee-high to mid-thigh range.

i am tired. and i am sick. i need to go to the urgent care.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

tonight while i was driving home, i looked down at my hands and thought, "my what old hands you have, ms. septic. what nice alabasteryoldbonybigveinedstrongscarredcreepydrydouble-jointed hands you have."

i don't have any particular upkeep with my hands. i have never had a manicure. or even a pedicure. although, i DO think the latter would be beneficial if (when) i move to a warmer climate. but i probably won't ever succumb to the pampering powers that dictate manis and pedis; because that type of high-maintenance behavior is not something i do well with - i am relatively low-maintenance. (MAINTANCE - that's for oey if he ever reads this.)

the fascination with my hands was just a fleeting thought, but it struck me as humorous.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

oh the horror

if you know me well to not-so-well, you are aware of the fact that i hateHATEhate shopping. it is definitely one of my least favorite things to do. if i could survive with ordering everything i needed in life online and have it delivered to my door, i would.

that said, the most tolerable type of shopping for me is grocery shopping. i don't mind it - in fact i enjoy it when i manage to go at a time of day when the store isn't extraordinarily crowded and parents aren't there with their little kids who inevitably end up pushing their carts into your heels and ankles. but i digress...

my typical modus operandi is show up at the store with a list, and get through the aisles as quickly as possible while managing to retrieve everything needed. that was the methodology i was employing today, and boy did it work! i was in that store at 4:15PM and out by 4:48PM. yes! out before the post-work, post-daycare rush!

but you see, it wasn't an entirely joyous experience as i had to spend the last fifteen minutes or so in line with the cashier from hell. no seriously. you have no idea. at first glance, she appeared normal to the naked eye. but this really was not the case. oh no. not at all. but before i knew this, i had already put my bounty of food and dry goods on the conveyor belt.

i'm waiting as she sluggishly runs my six pack of quilted northern over the scanner, so i head down to the little pay area and think to myself, "oh man, i bet this is going to take at least seven minutes." wrong-o, septic. it was going to take about fifteen minutes of pure unadulterated horror. you see, with the toilet paper, she had not yet started her commentary on everything i was purchasing.

soon after - actually when she saw i was purchasing diet canada dry ginger ale, she asked me if i was on a diet and why was i buying diet soda. i told her, "no. i am not on a diet but it really isn't your business anyway." her diet commentary continued as she scanned my yogurts, juice, and lean cuisine frozen meals - of which the frozen meals i often choose to eat on nights that i have practice since they are easy and take about five minutes to make. but it was really none of her business, and for that matter no one's business really. but her commentary had ONLY JUST BEGUN.

next up is my frozen spinach, broccoli, and brussels sprouts. to the third item, she exclaimed, "don't brussels sprouts make your pee smell funny?!" OH MY GAWD. PLEASE SHOOT ME IN THE FACE NOW. at this point, my face is hot and surely splotched with lovely red patches i could just tell...and then i started sweating. could she please just finish?!?! but she looks at me imploringly, like i was going to confirm or deny the fact that brussels sprouts, in fact, do make your pee smell funny. i mean, how do you respond to that?!?! i was flabberghasted and just stood there speechless.

moving on, she came across krusteaz blueberry pancake mix which i bought because my little sister introduced me to its wonderfulness this past weekend when i was snowed in eriePA. the cashier then starts talking about how great krusteaz is and how light and fluffy your damn pancakes end up being when made with this particular mix. screw bisquick and hungry jack. it's all about the krusteaz. now the thought of even making these pancakes makes my stomach turn. thanks cashier lady.

finally we get to my final two items - multi-purpose contact lens solution and a twenty ounce bottle of cherry coke zero because on an impulse, i HAD TO TRY IT. first she makes mention of the solution telling me that she KNEW i had to have contacts in because she ain't never seen no one's eyes so blue before. okay bithface. my eye color is real and i don't wear colored contacts, but it is no matter, because why would i even try to get a word in edgewise with Little Miss Cracky McTalksalot? then to the cherry coke zero. she had to declare that she KNEW i was on a diet even if i said i wasn't. you know, why else would a person even buy a diet soda product when they could have full sugar flavor? UGH. WHATEVER. then she hands me my soda and proceeds to ask me to open it and taste it in front of her. WAS I IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE?! yes. i think i was.

glory to the powers that be, she proceeded to total me out and eighty dollars and fifty-four items later, i escaped. i just about ran for my life when leaving the store. i mean, what kind of person does what she did when i was checking out?!?! so unnecessary and unnerving.

thankfully i wasn't buying tampons or condoms or something like that. what would i have been in for then? only she would know. of mystery horrifying hellish cashier.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

uhm yeah.

on this whole turner broadcasting paying two million dollars for the greater boston area being asses and misunderstanding an effing aqua teen hunger force lite brite billboard. uhm yeah.

how about firing the people in our government who perpetuate this whole terrorist scarorist mania? uhm yeah.

wait, what? i can't wait until the day that i am told that i am suddenly considered a terrorist because i SO enjoy dancing and singing like a maniac to the gap band's, "you dropped a bomb on me"?!?!?!?

what the hell are we coming to, people?

Sunday, January 21, 2007


evidently, my brain is a wasteland:

--this morning i learned that even if you are wearing pants, you can somehow get a gaping gash on your upper left thigh from unexpectedly doing a baseball slide while pseudo-bouting. stranger yet, my pants aren't even cut or sliced open, so how did this happen? oh how i do not love you, disgusting gaping gash wound. i can feel my heart beat in my leg now. it is so gross.

--"he builds in windows, he's off the wall, he builds 'em big, he builds 'em small. in legoland he'll rock and roll, he's lego wild, out of control! it's zach, zach, he's a lego maniac!" WHY IS THIS STUCK IN MY HEAD? WHY DO I KNOW ALL THE WORDS?

--the phone drama seems unending. last month it was the too high bills – which i called, complained, and inquired to a nice man at verizon, thus resulting in a $307 credit to my account. but last week, i completely totaled my phone. it's totally totaled. TOTALLY. the phone is now always "searching for service" and i can't call anyone or even access my calendar on it. blargh. so you guessed it, i need a new one. too bad the ball is in my court now and frankly, i've enjoyed being phoneless for a couple weeks. seriously.

--yesterday i watched a movie called, "may." the main character, may, was like buffalo bill from "silence of the lambs," but she was way more attractive than buffalo bill. and she had a creepy doll versus an annoying dog named precious.

-- there's this lady who walks up and down the street for hours at a time. she wears turquoise sweatpants and has this really outrageous red hair. i estimate her age to be around 72 years old. she's quite cartoonish. and fascinating.

--no matter what color shirt i wear, it seems i always spill on myself. i feel like such a slob and disgust myself when i do spill on the continental shelf of my chest.

--how is it legal to sell a vintage tee shirt for $58.00? for a new kids on the block tee-shirt, no less. i was going to get one for a rather unsuspecting person in my life, but i don't think i want to spend damn near sixty dollars on a crappy nkotb shirt. especially because i never did like them (but my friend did, hence why i was going to buy a shirt); however, when i was young i thought the guy who looked like frankenstein was kind of cute in a monstrous way. i might as well go out and buy some puffy paint and totally glam up a shirt like we did in the 4th grade. hahaha. NO.

--i still can't find my black skull cap. i want to know where the hell it went. i had to wear my brown one today. it didn't feel quite right on my head with me wearing all black. what bothers me more is that i know i wouldn't feel this way if i had my really ugly green cap on, but i didn't, and now i am once again perplexed about where the hell i put my black cap. gosh darnit.

--why do some people's faces appear to be plastic? like every facet is too shiny and taut and sans imperfections. i call people like this plasticene wonders. plasticlike faces bother me more than they should.

--that band royksopp makes me want to go into a room with control panels and supercomputers from the 1960s and start randomly pushing buttons to see what chaos might ensue. listen to some royksopp and tell me that their music doesn't make you want to push buttons on control panels. you won't be able to because the music is perfect for just that purpose.

--i kind of have a taste for awful waffles at the waffle house. unfortunately, that requires a drive out to cha-hardon to get them. it seems a bit far for me right now. but denny's won't do. and i don't feel like cooking. hopefully this craving will pass.

--the word, "blossomed," makes me laugh. it's right up there with "legs." my, how your legs have blossomed. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.