Sunday, February 18, 2007

lame ways to spend the day(s) you are sick

i posted this on myspace, but thought i would x-post here, too.

lame ways are as follows:
-- upload pictures onto your flickr account – which will inevitably lead to irritation on your part

For instance, I spent the better part of two good hours today (Saturday, Feb 17th) uploading pics form my August 2006 trip to Maine to my flickr, and about 84 pictures into the whole process, I thought it would be better to break down the entire Maine set (which was going to be over 200 pictures) into smaller subsets - Acadia, Bar Harbor, Portland Head, Moosehead Lakes, etc. so what do I do? I go into batch organize and delete 25 pics after I had already created my Portland Head subset and guess what? Flickr decides I want to delete both the pics in the Maine set AND the Portland Head subset. SOOOOO irritating. Ugh. I've about had it.

-- spend the day thinking about all the delicious food you want to eat, but are unable to eat because it hurts too much to chew and swallow

Mastication is not over-rated. Right now, I would really kill someone if it meant I could chow down on some delicious cavatelli or prierogies or tacos or pizza or ANYTHING. But definitely not any more chicken bouillon or freeze pops. It's been THREE days since I have been able to get something solid and crunchy down my esophagus (sp?). I am jonesing for some celery. Some carrots. SOMETHING, ANYTHING THAT I CAN CHEW.

-- watch movies while sucking down copious amounts of freeze pops

Over the past three days, I have watched five movies. And sucked down about fifty freeze pops. But these were not all good movies either. Freeze pops, always delicious. Movies I watched were: The French Connection, Imagine Me & You, But I'm a Cheerleader, Just My Luck, and Forbidden Secrets. The last two were definitely departures from my usual choices. Don't get me wrong, I heartheartheart a good chick flick and Lindsay Lohan…well I like her in her chick flick movies, but Just My Luck sucked. It sucked in much the same way me losing my Portland Head Light pictures sucked. Forbidden Secrets is a LMN classic. It has Kristy Swanson in it – original Buffy – but something about it is chapping my ass. Maybe because it sucks in much the same way that Just My Luck did for me. Where's Carol Seaver when you need her…wait, no, her real name is Tracey Gold. Yes. Where is she, when you need her and her LMN resume to intervene and supply good mindless movies for you to view in the midst of an antibiotic and sleep-aid haze?

-- try to eat popcorn because you want to chew SOMETHING, but then have that experience backfire on you because you can't swallow solids for some reason

I hate you cruel, cruel world. I'm in a place in my life where I actually want to eat and I can't. The world works in funny ways, I suppose. Laugh. You know you want to and you know I am.

-- look up spoilers for this coming week's Grey's Anatomy episode

LAME. I said it. My weekend has dwindled to me researching spoilers regarding the melodramatic show on the ABC network, GA. Make fun of me all you want. I know some of you watch the show, too. Don't deny it. I'm stuck in between wanting Meredith to die and to not die. In one way, I would be exceedingly happy since I detest her raspy voice, watery eyes (not to mention one eye is slanty a lot like Shannen Doherty's), and her pseudo-Renee Zelwegerrist stance. But on the other hand, I don't think my strange fascination with the show would continue without Ellen Pompeo. While I don't like her, I do like her. Both Ellen Pompeo and the character she plays – Meredith Grey.

-- order witty shirts from threadless with money you don't really have to spend at the moment

All I have to say is f(x) = sheep(x)m. Do you have a shirt that says that? I didn't think so. Do you want to wear a shirt that says that? I didn't think so either. I am senseless.

-- cruise amazon looking for new books that pique your interest

Just so I can order them from used booksellers and get a book for $2.50 instead of $8.99. While I love my half-price books and borders, the used booksellers on amazon tempt me oh so much. Especially when I am sick and home alone spending money I should not be spending on things like books. What I should do is go to the library and check some books out and read them that way. But then that leads to me not having paperbacks (my favorite) because libraries often only have hard-covers available of the books I want to read…and it leads to me not being able to dog-ear and write in the margins of the books. I have some pretty bad habits, don't I? I do. I really, really do.

-- write really bad musings and chuckle when you go back and reread because, "man, you haven't written anything this bad since your freshman year of college."

Oh the angst. The angst of being 18-19 years old and writing your woes down for all advanced freshman composition teachers to read and criticize. Writing your woes down for that intermediate poetry class you somehow got into as a freshman, all the while having your woes shot down because you wrote/write like Bukowski and, "he's not a real writer in the American canon." It is what it is. And today – to this day – you cannot take that away. I suppose that is why I was an immense failure in the poetry/fiction creative writing schools of thought, but succeeded and did and do very well in the non-fiction school(s) of thought.

Being sick and wasting away in front of my computer and the television is not how I would ideally like to spend my weekend. Especially because I waste away in front of my computer during the week. It gets tiring, you know? I guess I just wanted to complain about that. Nothing interesting to note, other than that I am mad at the world. And technology. And my doodle eye. And my doctor for not giving me Tylenol with Codeine. And my stomach. And Shonda Rhimes. And Orville Redenbacher. And my lungs. And my throat. And youtube for not having a Positive K video on their site.

That is all. That is enough.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

scythian empire

i'm currently addicted to this song. in my sickness, i cannot help but listen to it.

being sick sucks. i know, call me captain obvious. but seriously. i've had it. 2007 was supposed to be a better year for my health. and now i am so sick, i can barely even get myself off the couch. but when i do, it is to rush to the bathroom only to remind myself that even though i am 29 years old, i am still a child prone to accidents. read into that what you will. i am tired of this already.

so i went to the doctor and it turns out i have a severe sinus infection and a pretty bad upper respiratory infection. funny, i thought i had the latter. but a sinus inFUCKtion?! i've NEVER had a sinus problem in my life. welcome to ohio, i guess. and i am having stomach virus issues. yesss...let's just add that to the mix. the doc put me on zpack but thus far it is not working. i am supposed to go back if i am not cleared up by tuesday. grrreat.

the only good thing about being this sick means that i have no reason to leave my house. but i need to clean my house and i can't even do that without fear of randomly vomiting or having the rhea cha cha cha.

right now i am cursing the world.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

eff this snow

i was in eriePA over the past four days. i was only supposed to be there for three, but we got shat upon by the weather gods and so did cleve-o, so i stayed an extra day.

i am tired.

i do not want to write about the fact that i was shovelling snow for an hour or two. i do not want to write abbout how it was so cold outside i started crying as a physical reaction to the cold. i do not want to write about how i could only get my car far enough into my driveway so that no one could hit it in the street. i do not want to write about how i thought i had frostbite on my mid to upper thighs - you know, since the snow in my driveway ranged from knee-high to mid-thigh range.

i am tired. and i am sick. i need to go to the urgent care.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

tonight while i was driving home, i looked down at my hands and thought, "my what old hands you have, ms. septic. what nice alabasteryoldbonybigveinedstrongscarredcreepydrydouble-jointed hands you have."

i don't have any particular upkeep with my hands. i have never had a manicure. or even a pedicure. although, i DO think the latter would be beneficial if (when) i move to a warmer climate. but i probably won't ever succumb to the pampering powers that dictate manis and pedis; because that type of high-maintenance behavior is not something i do well with - i am relatively low-maintenance. (MAINTANCE - that's for oey if he ever reads this.)

the fascination with my hands was just a fleeting thought, but it struck me as humorous.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

oh the horror

if you know me well to not-so-well, you are aware of the fact that i hateHATEhate shopping. it is definitely one of my least favorite things to do. if i could survive with ordering everything i needed in life online and have it delivered to my door, i would.

that said, the most tolerable type of shopping for me is grocery shopping. i don't mind it - in fact i enjoy it when i manage to go at a time of day when the store isn't extraordinarily crowded and parents aren't there with their little kids who inevitably end up pushing their carts into your heels and ankles. but i digress...

my typical modus operandi is show up at the store with a list, and get through the aisles as quickly as possible while managing to retrieve everything needed. that was the methodology i was employing today, and boy did it work! i was in that store at 4:15PM and out by 4:48PM. yes! out before the post-work, post-daycare rush!

but you see, it wasn't an entirely joyous experience as i had to spend the last fifteen minutes or so in line with the cashier from hell. no seriously. you have no idea. at first glance, she appeared normal to the naked eye. but this really was not the case. oh no. not at all. but before i knew this, i had already put my bounty of food and dry goods on the conveyor belt.

i'm waiting as she sluggishly runs my six pack of quilted northern over the scanner, so i head down to the little pay area and think to myself, "oh man, i bet this is going to take at least seven minutes." wrong-o, septic. it was going to take about fifteen minutes of pure unadulterated horror. you see, with the toilet paper, she had not yet started her commentary on everything i was purchasing.

soon after - actually when she saw i was purchasing diet canada dry ginger ale, she asked me if i was on a diet and why was i buying diet soda. i told her, "no. i am not on a diet but it really isn't your business anyway." her diet commentary continued as she scanned my yogurts, juice, and lean cuisine frozen meals - of which the frozen meals i often choose to eat on nights that i have practice since they are easy and take about five minutes to make. but it was really none of her business, and for that matter no one's business really. but her commentary had ONLY JUST BEGUN.

next up is my frozen spinach, broccoli, and brussels sprouts. to the third item, she exclaimed, "don't brussels sprouts make your pee smell funny?!" OH MY GAWD. PLEASE SHOOT ME IN THE FACE NOW. at this point, my face is hot and surely splotched with lovely red patches i could just tell...and then i started sweating. could she please just finish?!?! but she looks at me imploringly, like i was going to confirm or deny the fact that brussels sprouts, in fact, do make your pee smell funny. i mean, how do you respond to that?!?! i was flabberghasted and just stood there speechless.

moving on, she came across krusteaz blueberry pancake mix which i bought because my little sister introduced me to its wonderfulness this past weekend when i was snowed in eriePA. the cashier then starts talking about how great krusteaz is and how light and fluffy your damn pancakes end up being when made with this particular mix. screw bisquick and hungry jack. it's all about the krusteaz. now the thought of even making these pancakes makes my stomach turn. thanks cashier lady.

finally we get to my final two items - multi-purpose contact lens solution and a twenty ounce bottle of cherry coke zero because on an impulse, i HAD TO TRY IT. first she makes mention of the solution telling me that she KNEW i had to have contacts in because she ain't never seen no one's eyes so blue before. okay bithface. my eye color is real and i don't wear colored contacts, but it is no matter, because why would i even try to get a word in edgewise with Little Miss Cracky McTalksalot? then to the cherry coke zero. she had to declare that she KNEW i was on a diet even if i said i wasn't. you know, why else would a person even buy a diet soda product when they could have full sugar flavor? UGH. WHATEVER. then she hands me my soda and proceeds to ask me to open it and taste it in front of her. WAS I IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE?! yes. i think i was.

glory to the powers that be, she proceeded to total me out and eighty dollars and fifty-four items later, i escaped. i just about ran for my life when leaving the store. i mean, what kind of person does what she did when i was checking out?!?! so unnecessary and unnerving.

thankfully i wasn't buying tampons or condoms or something like that. what would i have been in for then? only she would know. of mystery horrifying hellish cashier.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

uhm yeah.

on this whole turner broadcasting paying two million dollars for the greater boston area being asses and misunderstanding an effing aqua teen hunger force lite brite billboard. uhm yeah.

how about firing the people in our government who perpetuate this whole terrorist scarorist mania? uhm yeah.

wait, what? i can't wait until the day that i am told that i am suddenly considered a terrorist because i SO enjoy dancing and singing like a maniac to the gap band's, "you dropped a bomb on me"?!?!?!?

what the hell are we coming to, people?