Thursday, December 20, 2012

So I've been thinking about finally joining the 21st century and opening a Twitter account. Not that I have anything of much interest to say other than all things Maggie, Roller Derby, Hot HR Topics/Trends...and of course, my signature Randomata. I don't know though. The mere thought of opening up this type of account and actually using it is just a wee bit overwhelming to me. 

...But who knows, I might even open up a Pinterest account. Nahh, probably not. That might be taking it a little too far. If you know me, I'm not really all that crafty. And by saying I'm not really all that crafty, I mean I am not crafty at all. You put me in front of adult crafting activities like: fake floral arrangements, wreaths, any of that stuff -- my heart starts to palpitate, my palms get sweaty, and redface ensues. Read: PANIC ATTACK CENTRAL. 

I can, however, handle art projects suitable for the 3-5 year-old age set. And Maggie might be exposed to other crafts than our usual go-to of painting/drawing, or paper mache projects. I bet she'd like some new ideas.

But then again maybe I won't join either of these social media avenues. For someone who was pretty heavily entrenched in the tech field for a fair amount of time in her life, I'm pretty old school. Which is probably why I am so hesitant to join either of the two aforementioned outlets. ;)

Saturday, December 15, 2012

i am feeling melancholic. presently. 

i miss my best friend.

totally stinks.


on another note, i've achieved my blog goals for the year. 

although i don't think i'll be posting anything. 



i miss you.


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

not a fan of new blogger formatting. 

that is all.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

gotta get a life.


(sing it to the tune of some random boyband)

yep. i am. still very much around. and. continue to be.

Monday, July 16, 2012

In a slump. Need to get back to writing for at least 30 minutes a day. This will happen. Give me a couple months...and oh yes, I will achieve my two blogging goals of the year. Even if it means I have to do it all within the span of a day or two. Nothing like jam-packing procrastinating. ;)

Monday, May 21, 2012

i wave my white flag. i surrender. and am done. springtime is voodoo. on my soul.

Monday, May 7, 2012

the past several hours have taught me the following: 1. i trust. too much.; 2. i see the best and good in everyone. too much.; 3. immediate family is able to innately hurt each other in the messiest, worst, yet best ways. and it is too much.; 4. naivete at its apogee is a (me)taphor. still. meaning presently. this is also too much.; 5. i am thankful for the lessons learned over the past day.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

not sure how i'm feeling about the new changes to the blogger. i guess i should just keep my trap shut until i use it more than two times since the changes happened.

i'm dipping my toes into the waters of change. and while it's not fantastic, it's not terrible i'll probably have a better-formed opinion in the next two weeks. you know, after i've posted some more in this here blog o' mine.

i am not resistant to change. change is generally good. and sometimes change works out some kinks you didn't even realize were there to begin with in the first place. 


the derby season is in high gear. 

read: high-octane overdrive as far as my involvement in and with the sport goes. 

tomorrow i am heading up to JamestownNY to NSO (non-skating official/officiate) for the Babes of Wrath (BoW) in their season-opener against the Little Steel Derby Girls (LSDG) from YoungstownOH. it's sure to be a good game. 

i adore both of these leagues, and i am very much looking forward to watching the game as much as possible...although when you are in an NSO, reffing, or even bench coaching role, you don't get to seeSEEsee as much as you hoped you would - thank goodness for DVDs. :)

Friday, May 4, 2012

small font. verdana.

Friday, April 20, 2012

personal improvement is always a process.

and the process is sometimes painful. sometimes joyful. sometimes numbing. sometimes biting.

the improvement process is also often arduous. often taxing. often mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally exhausting.

but if you are truly making and taking the strides to change for the better, the positives far outweigh the negatives you do encounter through all the blood, sweat, and tears...

thus actually turning them into blood, sweat, and cheers.

there's my two pennies for the morning.


Tuesday, April 10, 2012

muscle flexing

crunching numbers.

crunching data.

like granola going out of style.

not crunching my abs.

thirty minutes 'til the abwork magic happens.

go figure.

you know.

we can and should do our abs the courtesy
of working them to exhaustion

at the same time -

we can and should also do both our individual and collective brains
the courtesy of working it to exhaustion

flex those muscles.

look at that body.

examine that mind.

i - i - i work out.

question is:

do you?

For those of you who celebrate(d) Beaster, I hope your weekend and Lenten and Passover and all that stuff I don't necessarily *get* was fantastic.

Consciously thinking about and writing down my next installment of ten self-statements; I want to work on decade two for the Timeline, yet I am having immense trouble overcoming a mental hurdle in regards to the latter.



Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Self-Statements: Installment Two

Picking up where I left off so long ago.

11. I am skilled at finding practical solutions to complicated situations
12. Green is my favorite color.
13. I have an obsession with prime numbers.
14. I can speak and process language backwards.
15. I move a lot. So much so, you would think I was an Army brat.
16. I coach roller derby.
17. I am a straight shooter.
18. I went to college in Arizona. I'd like to move back there someday.
19. I have never been to the Pacific Northwest USA. I am hoping to get up there by 2015.
20. Russian literature is my bent.

--First Installment From A Few Years Ago--
01. I have four tattoos.
02. I think roadtrips are the BEST way to travel. Either alone or with someone who is good company.
03. I get red, hotface when I am nervous.
04. I do not excel at making small-talk with others.
05. I have a fiercely independent streak.
06. I read about eight books per month, which averages to about two books per week.
07. "Twin Peaks" is my favorite television show of all-time.
08. I crack my knuckles.
09. I have been told I have an annoyingly positive attitude. I have also been told I have an annoyingly cynical way of thinking at times. Combine the two concepts, and I figure I'm an optimistic pragmatist.
10. My father passed away before we ever got a chance to reconcile.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

I got three statements done tonight. In reference to the next official installment of Self-Statements post. Trying to not over-think the statements.

Over-thinking is something I struggle with on a fairly regular basis. I just want to make sure the statements are honest, open, forthcoming. Because, hell, if I'm going to throw these statements: facts, opinions, perceptions, out there into the blogosphere...well, I want them to be as accurate as possible.

Hoping to have the next installment finished within the next three days.


I take that back.

There is no hoping.

I will have that installment done within the next three days.


On another note. I need to get some serious beauty sleep.

Friday, March 30, 2012

It's pert near oh-five-hundred and I've yet to meet my dreamweaver, penultimate holder of beauteous sleep.

I'm up. STILL.

No thanks to you: Derbies; Love; Work.

That is all.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

following through

Going back and reading through the past four or five years of having this here blogger, I realize I MASSIVELY FAILED at more than one of the blog-posting goals I had set up for myself. No, I'm not talking about the building of my own website because, frankly, that's definitely a priority that shifted, changed, and is no longer of importance to me. And I admitted it. In black. In white. On here.

So now here I am, waiting for the green light to leave CleveOH to head back to EriePA, thinking about some of my smaller failures over the past four-five years. Some of my more easily rectifiable failures. Which led me to think about how the power is in my hands - especially when it comes to my writing space. And my life space. And my workspace. And my brainspace.

I am embarrassed with myself because I did not follow through on two of the writing/blogging goals I had thought would be relatively facile for me get done. I am embarrassed because I cannot stand it when people in my life say they are going to follow through on something, then don't. I am well-known for my follow-through, but if I'm being honest with myself here, and of course you, my readers, I've also had my fair share of flaking out on things over the past years.

In the past, if I was unable to follow through with something, I usually did not have a problem accepting that sometimes I was unable to fulfill a commitment and let the person depending on me know that I was unable to fulfill said expectation. Then directing dependent person to other resources that could better fulfill their needs. It was also not as difficult for me (as it obviously has been over the past few years) to admit that I needed an extension or simply needed help in fulfilling expectations and following through on what I said I would do.

I'm trying to rebuild, reconstruct, patch up, whatever you want to call it - this characteristic of my self that I used to hold in such high regard because it was one of my best qualities, and I still hold it in high regard - even though I see I dropped the ball quite a bit over the past few years.

And while I'm disappointed with my self for doing that, I can't go back and change it per se, I can continue to improve and ideally prove through consistent demonstration, not only for others, but also for myself, that I am able to follow through, admit my missteps, accept responsibility, ask for help, change the situation(s), etc.

I am now, out in the open forum of my blog, admitting and accepting responsibility for this lesser quality I allowed to rear its ugly head in my life for a few years, and in response, have been proactively working on said lesser quality for several months now.

I still make missteps in my life, A LOT of them, but I learn from them, and change them, or work to change them - instead of saying it's life circumstance or that I have no control or any other number of excuses I know I've made - because I do have control over my choices and decisions.

This post was meant to more or less keep to my blog failures, but we all know it's also correlated to my real life.

Enter building blocks.

I'm going to redirect this post back to aforementioned blog failures. My two big blog FAILS over the past four-five years are: 1. Timeline - I still have two decades to finish posting.; 2. Self-Statements - Of the one hundred I said I would post, I only posted ten. TEN?!?! Really?!?!

If I calculate the completeness of each of these failures, I only achieved 33.33% of Timeline; 10% of Self-Statements. If I was graded or reviewed on these, they would definitely be considered failing scores.

I can't change the pre-existing failures, but I can do some extra credit by finishing and achieving these two blog topics that I've meant to complete because I want to and have wanted to...but for some reason, had not gotten around to doing. We all know I don't sleep much, so I can't say that I don't have time. That's a bullshit excuse.

This is one of the big changes I'm in-process of better understanding the motivations behind, dealing, and thus confronting head-on this year. No matter how uncomfortable I am.

Not just with the blog, but in all facets of my life. Taking ownership back, following through, asking for help when I need it, knowing when I am simply unable to fulfill an expectation or need to put it on hold, and then communicating that to any other parties involved.

That said. My two blog failures are going to be successes this year.

Time to get back on the road again...
thinking. thinking. thinking.

next steps. next steps. next steps.

relentless forward progress.
i'm so happy my day is finally over and done with and i have gained greater clarity on what i need to actually *do* to make the changes i need to make in order to improve lives.

not just my own.
turning pages, ending chapters, finishing books.
you might say.
or you might not.
maybe i'm amazed.
minus the "maybe."
it's taken some (un)objective heart and mind reasoning to get to where i am.
i am unabashed in my choices.
they are good ones.

if they turn out to not be so good, i will just have to suck it up, rethink, and change the process in order to continue making the best possible decisions and choices.
i'm in it for the long haul.
watch out world...
there's a semi-natural disaster of positivity building up its storm.
coming to a town near you.
i'm tired of the glum.
no more shitshows, at least in my life, if i have anything to say about it. :)

Friday, March 23, 2012


the disappearance of public executions therefore marks the decline of the spectacle.

we have no spectacles anymore in this culture.

everything is mediamediamedia.

i write this as i take advantage of my blog.

the sub-par facebook social media replacement.


Thursday, March 22, 2012

jerkfaces unite!

let's admit just one thing.

you were never really my friend.

especially since you found me to be so trashable. disposable. garbage.

newsflash: you are the garbage.

you were: the friend too far gone into being hip and cool. the friend too far into posing a certain way. taking advantage of my naivete. the friend who judged so coldly and ruthlessly all the while expecting compassion and warmth in return.

because what you were going through was "so different." because you thought you could manipulate me.

because you thought you knew how to play my naivete like Mendelssohn.

you were wrong. unfortunate for you.

too bad i got smarter when it came to you. and too bad, i know the crap hands you play. too bad i see you for what you are. too bad i see me for what i am.

i do not discount ownership in breakdowns. especially when it comes to those pesky feelings. but really.


if i were you in the same sitch two years ago.

more than one year of knowledgeabilty. even if we were both wearing elistist asshats.

if i was truly your friend. if i was actually the person of such great relevance in your life as you posited me to be to you.

you to me.

i certainly would not betray you by being cold and unforgiving.

i would try to find some common ground. some way to better understand your pain(s), your past-present-future life experience. or some other semblance of existence on which we were actually able to relate.

congratulations on your judgmentalism. perhaps you should get your JD.

or wait.


you are better than a law degree. since. you are so (un)hip, so (un)cool, so (un)above it.

enter middle finger.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

traveling to st.clairsvilleOH for the derbies today.

nervous. excited. anticipatory. anxious.


eight hours 'til liftoff.

Friday, March 9, 2012

as of the past several weeks, there's been a major jack white music phase going on in my brain. and when i say "major," i mean, "MAJOR."

perhaps due to solar flares, i'm finding my self listening to more mamas & papas.

trying to understand correlation twixt the two. if any.


so i have a new mac. it's a powerbook. and it's silver.

i miss my old mac.

its cracked white shell.

my bruce springsteen sticker holding it together.


i miss a lot of things.


i wish a lot of things.


i change a lot of things.


and as far as wishes go.

i'm taking them back.


wishes get you nowhere.

it's all about action.



Wednesday, March 7, 2012

i think i'm in love.
unlike any other previously experienced.

the kind worthy of:
eddie money. lionel richie. otis redding. air supply. elvis presley. glen phillips.

good movie.

i have zero ideas on how to proceed.

just go with it. yes?!

knowing my modus.

let's see how i mess this up.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

i've been using the book of face for far too much anymore, so i think i'm going to go back to taking it to my blog. i know i won't get nearly as many comments, or any for that matter, but there is a comfort in knowing that i feel much more comfortable being honest and open in this forum as opposed to me questioning things i write. even if they are just teensy little nuggets of thoughts. i know i have or had like five regular readers of my blog before my extended silence - maybe i'll get those five readers back. maybe not. i don't really care either way at this point. there is just so much in my head that i need to get out, so i think i'm taking it back to this here blog and maybe my lj.