as of the past several weeks, there's been a major jack white music phase going on in my brain. and when i say "major," i mean, "MAJOR."

perhaps due to solar flares, i'm finding my self listening to more mamas & papas.

trying to understand correlation twixt the two. if any.

--

so i have a new mac. it's a powerbook. and it's silver.

i miss my old mac.

its cracked white shell.

my bruce springsteen sticker holding it together.

--

i miss a lot of things.

--

i wish a lot of things.

--

i change a lot of things.

--

and as far as wishes go.

i'm taking them back.

--

wishes get you nowhere.

it's all about action.

--

proaction.

i'm drifting farther away and reaching further inwards.

there is an end or at least a solution which is and has started going into effect.

i just don't know how many more minutes of hours of days of weeks i can handle all of it.

it doesn't help when i am aware of the fact that i am consistently belittled in a passively manipulative way by someone with whom i care. it also doesn't help on the days when i am flat out ignored, steamrolled, bulldozed.

i'm struggling. it hurts.

i'd be lying if i said i wasn't scared.

Homeslices III

i have a direct line to the Gods. dancing barefoot outside in the rain during monsoon season. electric rain bullets attacking, pounding down delicious ambrosia epiphanies into my otherwise starved body and brain. i have no abandon out here, splashing, shouting, laughing in the flooded streets. with the rain pulsing, pelting me, i believe i can accomplish anything. monsoon dancing stirs something from within my core. something more than the familiar numbness i’ve grown accustomed to feeling over the past several years. joy. ecstasy. empowerment. alive. i am ALIVE. then from out of the rain, you walked into my life. you are a vision. and you stir something from within my core. just like the Gods do, but really you are one of my Devils. only i don’t recognize it yet.

I Have A Confession To Make...

I totally watched the series premiere of the revamped 90210 last night. And I enjoyed it.

Homeslices II

I watch as you carelessly slosh the spiced rum with lime around in your glass. Your body moves with such familiarity and ease, I feel like crying. If you only knew how the smell of patchouli had always sickened me until you. Now I can't seem to get enough. Of you. Entwined on your beat-down brown and orange plaid couch, we breathe each other in and speak of climbing mountains - taking on the world! Relentless rpms, spinning circles around us and between us. We listen to the sounds of the earth - life pounding in our ears, pressing us to move. Writhing, panting, sweating. We are tired of this dance, yet we cannot seem to stop.

Homeslices I

You whispered the meaning of clouds to me. I murmured the meaning of stars. We played endless games of tag that summer. Our silly childgames often resulting in the rolling down of hills. My uncontrollable laughter bubbling between mouthfuls of grass you implored me to chew and spit. Then describe to you. Just so you knew how it would taste. Exhausted. We lay on the grass splaying our bodies "just so" there would be imprinted lawnangels. In our stillness the grass pricked our bodies in that insatiably delicious way you just know you are alive and onto something. Something.

Ooo Whoa Ooo Whoa Ooo

Tonight I will be watching the second episode of this season's American Idol. I have a not-so-secret secret love affair with this show. I should probably be ashamed to watch, because the after effects of the show leave you with that "not so clean feeling." But I am so NOT ashamed. I am unabashedly unashamed. Oh man, I can't wait!

Clash Of The Choirs

What is wrong with me? Why can I not seem to stop watching this train wreck of a television show? I definitely need to look into getting a life one of these days.

Patti Labelle RAWKS!!!

I have a confession to make.

I keep spreadsheets of all the books I read so I can keep a running total of how many I read on an annual basis, as well reference particular genres I classify books by in order to revisit certain texts that are relevant to my life at any given point in time.

I have a confession to make.

I still watch Desperate Housewives regularly. Heaven help me.