Sunday, January 13, 2008

Slight Reflection

Every year since I left Arizona, I've written a wellness goal list. This is not to be confused with stereotypical resolutions for the New Year such as: "I resolve to lose weight, quit smoking, etc.," but rather, a list of ways to improve my life and continue to strive to achieve a better balance of wellness in my mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional states. I call(ed) it my "well-list."

I would post previous years in here; However, largely due to the Great Karoline Meltdown of 2007, I deleted all of them off my hard drive. Awesome, right? No.

That seemingly small yet significant action I performed in June of last year, gives you an insight into my state of mind for a large part of last year - not to mention a few years previous to that.

I felt I wasn't worth having goals and dreams to achieve. I simply didn't want to be around anymore. And it surely wasn't worth having a list of five years of small successes and what I perceived to be huge failures for others to view and make commentary on regarding my life when I was busy checking out on everyone - including myself. So I purged those goals and dreams. Just like I intended to purge myself.

I again believe it is important for me to have goals and dreams to achieve, so I am starting over with my list this year. This is yet another small significant action on my part. By doing this, I am showing to myself and others that I am worth existing and having successes as well as failures, no matter how small or large.

Right now, I'm in the race of life for the long haul, and I am hoping to prove to myself and others that I am proactively changing for the better and trying to do the "next best thing" in all aspects of my life.

It was a long way down, and I'm trying to find my way back upUpup. I think the challenge is worth it.

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