The Baby Arrived!!!

I've been so lax in posting since I had the baby. But she did finally arrive! After 20 hours of labor, then having to have an emergency c-section, she joined the ranks of the Swanson-Headlee household. Hooray! She was a surprising baby, and I even ended up naming her something different than I had initially anticipated. And while I don't plan on having any more babies, if I do end up with another little girl somehow, I still have another name at the ready...

Margaret Elizabeth was born on February 18, 2009 at 251PM. She weighed in at 9lbs., 5oz., and was 21.25inches long. Her head measured at 40cm. Her ranks were as follows: Weight: 90%ile, Length: 97%ile, and Head Circumference: 99%ile.

I just knew she would have a fairly large head based upon both mine and John's noggins. I also knew she was going to weigh more than the 6.5-7.5 pounds my OB projected. Yep. I was right in both respects...and that makes me feel good because even though I've had a severe case of placenta brain since becoming pregnant, my intuition didn't completely suffer.

Valentine's Day and Still No Baby

Well baby, you were supposed to be here by today, but apparently you are not quite ready yet. So here I am. Still. Waiting.

We can't wait for you to get here already!

Any Day Now

Last Thursday night I went to the hospital because my doctor thought I might be in labor due to my intense back pains/spasms. As it turns out I was having contractions and they were 1-3 minutes apart lasting about 45 seconds to a minute. This had been going on throughout the course of the day then continuing along the same path for a couple hours at the hospital. But then something happened. The contractions started to wane. 3-5 minutes apart. Then 7-9 minutes apart. Then back to 3-5 minutes apart. My dilation had made some progress, but not enough to induce, so I was told that I could get a morphine drip and stay in the hospital overnight and take it from there, or I could go home and brave it with some Tylenol. Being that I was starving from not being able to eat since around 100AM earlier that day and not wanting an IV of anything unless absolutely necessary, I opted for the latter. J and I left the hospital around 1145PM and then headed directly to the closest 24 hour restaurant establishment we could find - which happened to be the Eat and Park. It was a decent breakfast meal, although I could have done without the table full of idiot redneck types sitting next to us. I mean seriously.

There were six of them, all at least in their late twenties, and not only were they obnoxiously loud, their conversation revolved around things like, "You know what they say about a guy with big feet..." ARGH! Not such good ambience EVER let alone for a ravenous, angry pregnant lady who is in the midst of still having contractions and wants nothing more than some delicious eggs over easy and french toast. And it didn't help that what I really wanted was IHOP deliciousness instead of the Choke and Puke. The IHOP I speak of is about a block up from the hospital, but it was mysteriously closed that night...and now I am hoping that it hasn't permanently closed. That would be a travesty for me while I'm in the hospital. You see, I have already told John that my first meal after I have the baby will be pancakes with strawberry syrup from the IHOP. Oh yes, my mind is oh so often still on the pancakes. Has been for several weeks or is it months now. Talk about a craving. So let's just hope the IHOP isn't, in fact, closed permanently.

Fast forward to today. Tuesday. My front labor pains have pretty much ceased, other than a few an hour, and I am still waiting. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I'm hoping everything will be a go to induce this weekend. With my family history, I am really hoping I won't need to have the dreaded c-section, but with five out of six sisters needing them, the odds aren't really in my favor. What I am ready for is for the baby to be here. Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy the time I have now, but it is a challenge to enjoy this time when I feel so isolated and incapacitated. And then it didn't help today when I literally walked into a wall in my house, then about 15 minutes later proceeded to fall down about five stairs. Yeah, I would definitely say I am ready for the baby.

Fourteen Days Until D-Day

I'm due in 14 days. At my doctor's appointment this week, I found out my dilation and effacement had no change from the previous week. Well then. There went my high hopes of having the baby before the due date, but still full-term. I feel kind of bad for saying this, but I am ready to be done. I can barely get up off my couch without help, and let's not even talk about what an ordeal it is for me to get out of bed at night for the billionty times I have to pee. Then there are the mysterious migraine-type headaches I've been getting for about a week now, generally feeling like a pile of dog poop, the OHMYGOSH my left foot is so swollen I can't get a shoe on it, the surge in my weight (again), and the swollenest face I've EVER had - IN MY LIFE. My doctor mentioned the weight herself because she was surprised at just how swollen I was at my 900AM appointment and she thinks I might be showing signs of toxemia, but since my blood pressure is still in the normal range for me - even though it's higher than my usual 90/60, and my proteins are still normal, she doesn't think it's toxemia quite yet. I am monitoring the blood pressure daily now, and have been relegated to "no more manual labor" and "resting with your feet elevated above your heart."

I have entirely too much stress on my back from the baby, which we also found out earlier this week when I was scrubbing the bathroom and it literally took me twenty minutes to get myself switched from all fours on the floor, to propped up against the bathtub with my butt on the floor, then heaved up onto the edge of the tub to sit, then miraculously to my feet. No more manual labor. I don't know how I will be able to handle this. I am, by nature, an obsessive person when it comes to keeping things tidy and clean. It's taken me a long time to be begrudgingly, but somewhat okay with John's love of stacking piles of stuff, which I call stacks of crap, and I don't know how I am going to handle not really being able to do all the cleaning up type duties that I perform on a regular basis. Cleaning is cleansing to me. Cleaning is catharsis.

From previous experience, I know I can't relax when chores aren't done and everything is more or less cleaned up and back in place. And I also know from previous experience, that I have greeeeeeeeeeat difficulty in relying on someone else to shoulder the responsibilities and that when I do, things are never done as efficiently, effectively, or as well as I do them. Heck, we used to have a cleaning person, but we stopped that after I noticed that the shower had gone one too many times without the proper cleaning. My standards aren't/weren't met. J says I hold myself and others to ridiculously high standards...I don't know about that. But I guess I will find out more about my standards and limits over the coming weeks when I have to rely on him more than I am used to in order to get the regular chores done around the house. I don't know how I am going to react to this change, but I am hopeful that we will able to cope. That I am able to cope.

I've been told that my world is going to be turned upside down once the baby gets here. Maybe I will change and be able to let messy rooms go for longer than I'm used to doing. Maybe I won't. And while I believe others when they say my world is totally going to change, at least I'll be able to get on my hands and knees to clean the floors again.

The Insomnia Returns

I thought I was supposed to lose sleep AFTER the baby was here. Nope. This is sooo not the case. I've recently found out the loss of sleep starts early. For the past month or so, I've had terrible sleep. Terrible as in the insomnia I used to experience in high school, college, and into my mid-twenties. I don't think I've written about my battles with insomnia on here, but let me tell you one thing, insomnia is definitely not something that will maximize your productivity (unless you are hopped up on something). And insomnia is certainly no fun. No fun indeed.

In order to conquer the worst bits of my insomnia, it's really taken a lot of time, money, and energy to get to a point where I can sleep for more than a couple hours at time, but with help, I found a solution...well I used to have one, that is until the past month or so reared its ugly head. Over the past couple years, I've grown accustomed to a good solid 7 hours of sleep a night and the recent disruption in my sleep patterns has really messed with my mojo. If I'm not getting up to pee every 40 minutes, I'm only sleeping for an hour (two, if I'm lucky) at a time. Totally unfair.

And while I am trying to look at this disruption as preparation for when the baby gets here, it's hard to keep an objective mind about it when I can see my fuse getting shorter and shorter every day. I thought pregnant/mom brain was bad enough, but combine that with lack of sleep, and you get one majorly bad case of goofy brain. I say this as I am on Day 3 of getting less than 2 hours of total sleep in one night. I just want one more night of good solid sleep before the baby gets here. But I think that may be too much to ask.

I Made It!

I am officially full-term today!

Notsobendy

As I grow larger and larger, I find it is getting harder and harder to put on my pants, socks, and shoes. It is actually becoming a multi-pronged process. This is somewhat disturbing to me. Just a few more weeks.

36 weeks

35 weeks
Originally uploaded by .karoline

I had my 36 week appointment yesterday, and it is safe to say that all is looking great at this point. J was able to make it to this one thankfully as I was having my first internal check since the first trimester. I am already dilated 1cm. Can you believe it?!

So what does this dilation mean to me and the baby? My doctor says that I will likely be delivering between 38-40 weeks. So pretty much on-time. How's that for my body doing some lean manufacturing. Guaranteed on-time delivery. Hahaha. And here I was thinking the baby would come out late, but apparently she's ready to greet the world on-time, and that makes me very happy.

What else? The babe moves around constantly, the heart rate is normal, growth is good, she's still tilted head down, my weight gain is normal this week, and my blood pressure is low. Going into Monday's appointment, the only thing I was really concerned about was my weight because at my last appointment I was told I had gained too much poundage between appointments. Seven pounds total weight gain. Five pounds "more than necessary."

You see, my doctor's nurse was out so a different doctor's nurse in the practice weighed me in and told me I gained about five more pounds than I needed to between my appointments and that I needed to watch that. I was completely bent out of shape about that being said to me. One reason being that my medical file says that I am to get blindweighted because of my ED history and I ALSO mentioned it when we got to the scale, and then the second reason being was that if she actually glanced at the progress I've been making, my weight gain has been below-average to average (you may remember that I was told I needed to be eating more for awhile there and that I was put on a more structured plan for that), so a five pound surge shouldn't have been too alarming.

So I talked to my doctor about it, she apologized for what happened and told me that my one little piece of extra weight gain was perfectly fine, especially since my weight gain has been healthy and I'm pretty much all baby. Yes, you see, I am not only The Stubborn Swede, I am also the Short-Waisted, Stocky Swede. At this point there is nowhere else for the baby to go but outwards. I am somewhat convinced I am growing the Sasquatch baby. With John being so tall, I am really beginning to wonder. I suppose we will know in just a few weeks.

Ack! My due date is one month away!

32 Weeks

Seven months down, two to go. I officially made it to the eight month mark yesterday! So what's been going on with me and the babe?

Since my last post regarding the progress of the pregnancy, I have grown to gargantuan proportions. I kid you not. I've started referring to myself as the "weeble with the backside lopped off." I'm relatively flat in the back and all sorts of three-dimensional curves up front. I guess you could say I also look kind of like a well-decorated gingerbread man. Weeble or gingerbread man, either way, I'm large and in charge. As I have been growing rapidly, driving the car has slowly started becoming more and more uncomfoftable, and I am beginning to fear that I only have a couple more weeks where I will actually be able to drive somewhat comfortably. That could be bad news for my other half. Bad, bad news.

I've been going to the doctor every two weeks for the past month and will continue on that schedule for the duration of my pregnancy, unless it gets upped to once a week as the big day looms ever closer. The past few appointments have remained on the up and up, which has been good for my peace of mind. The baby is growing normally, her heart rate is strong, she's still moving around like the athlete I know she will probably end up being (Do I see us running races together in the future??? Perhaps, perhaps.), she is still facing in the downward position so I'm still hopeful I won't have to have a c-section, my weight gain is on par, and my blood pressure still remains very low.

Around week 30, I started getting the NOTSO comfortable Braxton Hocks contractions. Practice for the future, I know, I know. And while they are manageable, I have to say they are undesirable. Dizzy spells, which my OB said was likely due to low-blood sugar and is now being combatted with more proteins in my diet, and a re-emergence of some morning sickness has also been prevalent in my life since my last preggers post.

I crave pancakes, eggs benedict, and apples non-stop. At least with those cravings, I'm covering almost all the major food groups. I haven't had really intense cravings like the aforementioned ones throughout my pregnancy. Sure, I had my days where all I wanted was Mexican food, or maybe a bag of Lay's original potato chips, but nothing like my intense desire for the pancakes, eggs. and apples. To start with, I've probably eaten somewhere between 20-30 pounds of apples in the past month. and then there's my whole thing with the breakfast food. I'm insatiable. Poor John. We've gone out to eat more than usual the past two weeks largely due to my lack of energy to do the grocery shopping (which is usually my favorite household duty), and I've dragged him to the IHOP, Cracker Barrel, Eat 'n' Park, and Yours Truly - all in the name of pancakes and eggs benedict. And then yesterday, J was off work (vacation for the next week!!!) so we were finally going to the grocery store together and of course I requested we go have lunch at the Waffle House for their delicious awfulwaffles. I kind of feel bad for the guy. Too many pancakes!!!

I'm still doing the supernesting routine, although my speed and vigor which I had previously has decreased since I tire much more easily now. The baby's furniture is all put together and situated in her room, and I finally found the perfect curtains for the baby's room - white shabby chic ones that complement the room's color and style quite nicely. There are still a bunch of things we need to purchase, prepare for, and get done, but I'm going to hold off until after the mysterious, surprising baby shower my little sister is throwing me in January. I wasn't planning on having a shower nor did I expect any of my sisters to throw me one, but she's insisting - and I have to say, it makes me feel loved and less like the family's misfit toy. And that, my friends, is a whole different story for another day.

Almost Thirty-One Years Old

My birthday is on Sunday. I will be the big 3-1. Blame it on the joys of Pregnant Brain, holiday shopping that still needs to get finished, or just plain baby excitement coupled with anxiety, but I keep forgetting that the old birthday is coming up...now in just 3 days...or 4 depending on how you look at it. I've been reminded by several people over the past few days, so I guess it's on my brain.

I don't think John and I are doing anything special to celebrate because he is going to West Virginia to help his mom with a sale we had committed to helping her with a couple months back. I initially planned to go on this trip, but with how wacky my hormones have been and my propensity to be overly sensitive over the past few (several?) weeks, we think it's probably not in my (and our) best interest for me to go. So I'm thinking I'll take the weekend to finish my holiday shopping, maybe pick up some more things for the baby and her room, finish Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and sleep late since my body has been requiring more and more of the Zzzs.

As for a little celebration, I'll probably get myself a piece of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory, too. I've had an insane craving/obsession for Key Lime Pie lately, and since it is very difficult to find up here in these parts, the Key Lime cheesecake will probably have to suffice unless I bone up and decide to make myself a pie. Which isn't totally out of the question.

And while I am on the subject of food, I found these sweet little Jessie Steele aprons this week. I think I might have to splurge and get myself the Blue Polka Floral and/or the Brown with Pink Polka Dots apron - seeing as how I manage to get my clothes dirty almost every time I cook or bake something. I've never had an apron before, but since I've been in nesting overdrive, I am starting to see the importance of having a good apron in order to cover up and protect my clothes. I swear I've cooked and baked more over the past month and half than I have over the past year. Now THAT'S insane.

26.5 Weeks

Ohhh baby. You tire me out.

Who knew that I would be so exhausted at this point in my pregnancy? My nutritional intake during the pregnancy has been above average simply because it has to be, but growing Little Miss Flash is possibly one of the most tiring things I've ever done in my life. Even more tiring than running a marathon or playing in a bout where I was skating 75% of the time. I've heard that many women get oodles of energy during their second and third trimesters. Apparently the energy surge is not for me. And I know I am in for even more tiring days and nights once the babe gets here...why couldn't I luck out with the mystery energy surge?

I had another doctor's appointment and the dreaded glucola diabetes testing last Wednesday. During the doctor's appointment, all signs pointed to the positive, as seems to be the ongoing case. The Flash's heart rate is smack dab in the middle of the healthy range, my blood pressure is low, and my weight gain is normal. Once again the baby just had to prove her movement faculties to her eager audience, and it took a little bit of time to get the heart rate, but as I said before, it was good. The Flash is positioned normally, and from what my doctor told me, I should be able to deliver through my hooha versus c-section. (Yes, I know you all wanted to know that. ;)) And it turns out I don't have the beetis, so I don't need to worry about any complications that could have arisen from that, which is a relief.

Over the past month or so, the baby's movements have increased. My stomach visibly moves now and it's as though I have a vibrating belly for several hours a day. Interestingly, the Flash can sense when you are touching her through my abdomen and once she does, she ceases movement in an area and will either move on to somewhere else or stay put until you remove your hand. She also seems to increase her movements when I am listening to Debussy and Mozart, so I've added those artists to my baby music loop. We still don't have a name solidified yet, so the baby is still referred to as The Flash or The baby. I do have a full name I am quite fond of, but J isn't its number one fan. I might have him convinced soon enough, I don't know though. What I do know is that no one in my family ever told me it would be this difficult to make a joint decision on baby names. Or maybe none of my sisters ever tried to make it a joint decision...harumph.

J and I made it to Morgantown and Pittsburgh last weekend. We had a good visit with his mom, then turned northward and ended up purchasing a good amount of the baby and office furniture, as well as some kitchen and living essentials. And this past weekend, J finished the finished area in the basement and the final coat of paint in the baby's room, so I'm finally starting to feel more like we are actually moving forward with the house changes versus the stagnation I was sensing before. We still have a ton of things to do, but getting the initial legwork out of the way makes everything else seem just a little bit more manageable.

But then on the flipside of the manageability, I feel completely and utterly overwhelmed with everything I still need to do. And with the holidays coming, my anxiety is increasing tenfold. I went and started registering for baby stuff on Sunday, and I literally wanted to run out of the store screaming after about an hour and a half. Prior to registering I thought J and I had a good leg up on our purchases of the things we will need, but while going through the store with my scanner gun, I had a rude awakening - we are so not as prepared as I thought we were. I have three months to get it together, and since Sunday, I've been trying to use my wisemind and breathe and take things one step at a time, but it is certainly a challenge. I know we will manage and get through this last trimester successfully, it just seems I haven't been able to get a handle on my anxiety the past few days. Hopefully the anxiety will dissipate.

Sensitivo

I think my emotional hormones have finally kicked in to some serious wackedness. I've been overly sensitive the past couple weeks...and that's putting it lightly. And the real kicker of it all is that I recognize when I'm being completely wacked, but just can't seem to help myself from proceeding down that trail.

Names, Names, Names

If y'all have any ideas for baby girl names, I'm open to suggestions. J and I agree on two names as of right now, but I'm not sure if either of them are THE name. You know?

I'm still getting used to the fact that I am having a girl. Even with my old home office no longer my beloved granny smith apple shade of green, repainted to a brilliant color called "cheery" (read a bright reddishorangepink), and slowly morphing into nursery status, I still have a bit of a hard time registering it.

A girl. There is a little girl growing inside of me. Soooo amazingly strange. J has taken to calling me out every time I refer to the baby as "it," and/or The Flash. But The Flash is sooo catchy. I've threated to use that moniker as the middle name, but I don't think J sees the humor in it. At least not like I do.

I wish we could agree on a name. Maybe if we had one, I could stop thinking of this little girl as The Flash, and by her name instead. So help a sister out if you can.

Suggestions?

Miscellany

-- I had another appointment with my doctor last week, and again, everything was normal. My next appointment is during the first week of November. I'll be getting the dreaded diabetes test then. MMMmmm...glucola. I only dread the test because I can't stand supersugary things that leave a nasty residue in my mouth, but mostly because of the fact that I will have more blood drawn then. Mere thoughts of veins, needles, and blood makes me lightheaded, so just imagine how it is when blood is actually taken. I'm just hoping to not pass out from the combination of my low blood pressure and anxiety about bloodwork...it's been known to happen. You would think I would be okay with bloodwork and all that comes with it by this point in my life, considering how many stays I've had in hospitals, but I'm not. Well, I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

-- The horrorfest was a pretty good time, although I was displeased with the fact that you weren't allowed to have food or drinks in the theatre. The horrorfest changed venues to the restored Warner Theatre this year, and apparently you aren't allowed to have any noshies in there. Zero. Zilch. Nothing. No popcorn. No licorice. No soda pop. Not even water. Being a pregnant waterfiend, I was displeased. On the positive tip, I did get to see some interesting long and short films, spend time with a couple of my sisters and a nephew, and I got to meet some new people.

-- While I was away in Erie, J altered the cleaning and painting plans a bit. He ended up priming and painting the baby room, and priming about half of the basement room. While it wasn't everything he intended to get done, it was a good chunk. This weekend we ideally be finishing the cleanout of the basement room, moving the office furniture from the baby room to the basement, and possibly getting 2/3 of the painting done down there. It seems like somewhat of a lofty goal considering we both have work to do this weekend, but I am hopeful we can get a chunk of the HI stuff done.

-- Next weekend we are taking a trip south to West Virginia to visit J's mom. On the way back we are stopping off at the IKEA in Pittsburgh to purchase essentials for the baby room and other items for the changes we are making. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't overwhelmed with all of this. I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't excited though, too.

It's A Girl

i am spawning a girl
Originally uploaded by thesynesthetic

That's right, people! On Friday, September 26, I found out I am having a girl who will be joining the world in February 2009. According to the doctor everything looked good, and we received a dvd of the ultrasound as well as these loverly 3D pictures you see here on the side of this post. The baby was again veeery active and moving around during the majority of the appointment and is still moving around like an Olympic gymnast on a daily basis.

I have been slowly gaining girth and a more rotund stomach with no extra thanks to the baby's latest obsession with Amy Joy Doughnuts and ongoing penchant for Mexican food, but as long as I am remaining active and positive, I'm really not obsessing about my size too much. I posted a couple 20 week Karoline Is Spawning Baby pictures on my flickr account, so you can see what I'm talking about.

18 Weeks

I never thought I would be one of those gals whose blog would start to revolve around her pregnancy babies galore once she made the offish announcement. But I am. I feel kind of embarassed and my face flushes when I think about this, but it has happened, so why not revel in it? I spare my readers the details they probably don't want to hear about such as my bowel movements and vomitaciousness, yet I am also sure I overshare to an extent as well. I cannot make everyone happy, but I try to respect the fact that not everyone is interested in hearing about such things as my body functions.

Today marks the beginning of week 18. I had my second doctor's appointment on Wednesday, and everything looked and sounded normal. My vitals were still a-okay with my blood pressure remaining quite low (looow = normal to me), which was both a relief and a surprise since I wasn't the most active person the first four months of the baby incubating. I still need to improve on my eating habits, which is an ongoing process and I'm trying to make it work. I want to do everything I can to make the last 4.5 months as smooth and comfortable as possible for both me and the Flash.

Speaking of the Flash, I started to feel it moving around a couple weeks ago - the Saturday of Labor Day weekend to be exact. You know, after the mysterious virus I had that kept me laid up for a week. J and I decided to go out to eat that Saturday night, and let me tell you the Flash was thoroughly excited I was up and moving and out of the house. I just had to have Italian food that night, and since Mama Santa's was still closed due to the Feast, J and I decided to chain it and go to Olive Garden. On the drive to the OG (the first time I had been to one in Cleveland), J and I were talking and then suddenly I felt as though butterflies were trying to release themselves from my belly push themselves up through my throat. It was the strangest, most surreal, yet most natural sensation I have ever had. It continued throughout the evening and I had to box up my meal after a few bites.

Since then the Flash has been quite active. In fact, at my appointment this week the Flash was moving around so much while my doctor was checking the heart rate, it took several minutes to get the reading. She finally got the heart rate - which was 145-155 (normal), but it was rather funny. I'm going to have a very busy baby methinks. Now I just have to wait two more weeks for the ultrasound that will tell me what the Flash's sex is. I have a feeling this is going to be a veeery long two weeks. September 26 can't get here fast enough!

Back In The Saddle

I'm beginning to feel less like a barf machine and more like a human again. I'm going to knock on some wood now. I didn't know morning sickness would be so volatile and last for such a long time, but I guess the reality is I really didn't know a whole lot about the potential pregnancy woes coming into this. You would think with six sisters and thirteen nieces and nephews I might have some idea. I did not. Regardless, I found out firsthand, am reading enough books, and talk(ed) with some of my sisters about all this pregnancy stuff.

Now that I am beginng to feel human again, I'm trying to ramp up to more billable work hours and I decided to take up my regular or a slightly modified exercise regimen. For the past four months I haven't really been able to exercise regularly and now I feel like I can without retching every 20 minutes. My goal is to workout 4-5 times a week by walking and jogging 3-5 miles a day inside or outside when weather permits, biking 20-30 miles on a stationary, doing light weights, or dancercising to my trusty Core Rhythms dvds. Oh yes, I got those dvds when I was feeling like death warmed over and thinking I would probably not be able to leave my house for months because of The Flash. And the dvds are surprisingly not bad. Now it's just a bonus that I can leave the house ;) So I've exercised the past three days and my body hurts. I can't believe how much it does hurt. The pain is similar to what I've experienced a day or two after running a marathon. Can a sister ever win?

J has encouraged me to get into a pregnancy yoga class, too, which I'm becoming more receptive to doing; Although, I still have my reservations since I have two things going against me when it comes to yoga: 1. I am one of the least flexible people I know, and, 2. It is almost impossible for me to relax. It's been challenging enough to get my body to move correctly to aerobic dance moves since I am also lacking in the graceful coordination department (which I still find humorous because I was great at derby which requires a good amount of coordination and grace), and my balance has been completely off for the past couple months, so yoga could be funny...or frustrating. I guess I'll just wait to make the yoga decision after I find out more details from J after he gets information from his boss' wife who is a yoga instructor here.

That's the long and short of it.

Just Call Me Karoline Fat Pants

May I speak openly?

One thing no one ever tells you when you are becoming full of baby is that you will wake up one day and your pants simply don't fit you anymore. This happened to me this past week. I popped. In a weird, I look like I've been eating too many Twinkies and Ho-hos kind of way. I have an interesting little, hard babybump belt below my bellybutton. I knew I was likely going to start showing in the fourth month, but I didn't know how suddenly my pants wouldn't fit right anymore. I've had a hard enough time adjusting to the new size of my chest - hello, two cup size increase already and they're supposedly going to get bigger! - and now, suddenly, I have to get used to being a completely new size by buying bigger pants for my new spare tire, wear yoga pants all the time, or take a deep breath and pony up and wear the very strange stretchtop pants.

This is new territory. I can't control my expanding belly and chest and not having control over it is kind of a frightening concept to me. And while I've been in recovery for well over a year and a half, I've been obsessing a bit about my size and other stuff that goes with the ever-familiar unhealthy territory that consumed over half my life. This is the territory I am proactively trying to steer relatively clear of presently and futurewise, and it is proving to be quite a challenge to steer clear of it while coping with the rapid body changes I am experiencing - some of which seem to happen overnight.

Sooo I thought I'd air my insanity out here, just to at least try to get my thoughts out in the open (a forum where my partner in crime doesn't look at me as though I am utterly ridiculous...and even if said partner is raising eyebrows at me right now, I, at least, can't see him); Because yes, I've been thinking about trying to control my size, weight, space, but then my wisemind kicks in and tells me that I know that I need to nourish myself not just for me anymore. It's a two party nutritionfest. And thus far I think I've been pretty great about everything considering this huge life-changing factor - and I hate to say it but I'm going to anyways - it probably helped that I lost weight the first two months and then balanced/plateaued for almost the past two months. How sick does that last statement sound? My doctor would probably have a heyday with that one.

Sometimes it's just hard to breathe when I start to think about the massive body changes I am going through and will be going through. I know as long as I keep myself in check, everything will work out okay. Keep my eyes on the prize - a happy, healthy baby. Some days are just better than others.

The Official News

Remember that life-altering thing I wrote about awhile back?

Here goes:

belly balm for my pregnant belly
Originally uploaded by thesynesthetic

I am pregnant. So guess what? I'm having a baby.

I've named it The Flash for now since we don't know what sex it is, and because of another reason which I am not going to delve into right now. But if you think reeeeeally hard about it, you might figure it out. J reeeally wanted to name it The Brain after we saw the ultrasound on Monday, but I had to put the kibosh on that one.

Where am I at right now? Well, I successfully made it through my first trimester, and am 13 weeks and a few days along. My due date is on Valentine's Day. The baby is normal and healthy, and the heart rate is good. I think that's about all I have for right now.

I will be finding out what the sex of the baby is on September 26. (Hopefully!)

While this was unexpected, I am terribly excited and hopeful.