I'm due in 14 days. At my doctor's appointment this week, I found out my dilation and effacement had no change from the previous week. Well then. There went my high hopes of having the baby before the due date, but still full-term. I feel kind of bad for saying this, but I am ready to be done. I can barely get up off my couch without help, and let's not even talk about what an ordeal it is for me to get out of bed at night for the billionty times I have to pee. Then there are the mysterious migraine-type headaches I've been getting for about a week now, generally feeling like a pile of dog poop, the OHMYGOSH my left foot is so swollen I can't get a shoe on it, the surge in my weight (again), and the swollenest face I've EVER had - IN MY LIFE. My doctor mentioned the weight herself because she was surprised at just how swollen I was at my 900AM appointment and she thinks I might be showing signs of toxemia, but since my blood pressure is still in the normal range for me - even though it's higher than my usual 90/60, and my proteins are still normal, she doesn't think it's toxemia quite yet. I am monitoring the blood pressure daily now, and have been relegated to "no more manual labor" and "resting with your feet elevated above your heart."
I have entirely too much stress on my back from the baby, which we also found out earlier this week when I was scrubbing the bathroom and it literally took me twenty minutes to get myself switched from all fours on the floor, to propped up against the bathtub with my butt on the floor, then heaved up onto the edge of the tub to sit, then miraculously to my feet. No more manual labor. I don't know how I will be able to handle this. I am, by nature, an obsessive person when it comes to keeping things tidy and clean. It's taken me a long time to be begrudgingly, but somewhat okay with John's love of stacking piles of stuff, which I call stacks of crap, and I don't know how I am going to handle not really being able to do all the cleaning up type duties that I perform on a regular basis. Cleaning is cleansing to me. Cleaning is catharsis.
From previous experience, I know I can't relax when chores aren't done and everything is more or less cleaned up and back in place. And I also know from previous experience, that I have greeeeeeeeeeat difficulty in relying on someone else to shoulder the responsibilities and that when I do, things are never done as efficiently, effectively, or as well as I do them. Heck, we used to have a cleaning person, but we stopped that after I noticed that the shower had gone one too many times without the proper cleaning. My standards aren't/weren't met. J says I hold myself and others to ridiculously high standards...I don't know about that. But I guess I will find out more about my standards and limits over the coming weeks when I have to rely on him more than I am used to in order to get the regular chores done around the house. I don't know how I am going to react to this change, but I am hopeful that we will able to cope. That I am able to cope.
I've been told that my world is going to be turned upside down once the baby gets here. Maybe I will change and be able to let messy rooms go for longer than I'm used to doing. Maybe I won't. And while I believe others when they say my world is totally going to change, at least I'll be able to get on my hands and knees to clean the floors again.
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