the stubborn swede.

2011-10-25T03:32:00.001-04:00

ugh.

thend.

2011-09-17T16:04:00.006-04:00

Last night while Maggie and I were watching part of the Nightmare on 95, she'd point out the Pivots and Blockers and exclaim, "Mama! Mama!" Then when a Jammer came into view on the screen, she'd also clap her hands and exclaim, "Nini, Nini!" <--that's what she calls her one of her aunts. She did the same thing today while watching the Gotham/SCDD game. Apparently my two year-old is beginning to grasp the game. HILARIOUS.

2011-09-15T16:49:00.003-04:00

BoD elections tonight at derby. I'm up for PR Director. I'm not sure if anyone else is running since I was nominated while I was in the hospital a month ago. To be honest, I'm nervous to win the position. Not that I don't want it, or can't do it. It's more along the lines of me not necessarily having a whole bunch of extra time on my hands already...another responsibility in my life might leave me with NO extra time. Maybe it's jitters. Maybe it's not. Hmm...won't know until tonight.

2011-09-14T15:23:00.003-04:00

Trying to quantify data when you have very little of said data is so frustrating, it makes me want to pull out my hair in big, giant clumps.

At least my apartment is of a reasonable temperature as opposed to how it's been the last few days with it being in the 80s AND super-humid outside. Unseasonably warm. And I have no A/C in this here popsicle joint. When I found my place back in January, A/C wasn't something I was entirely concerned with having. And I might still not be all that concerned moving forward if I am living in a place with decent insulation and NOT on the second floor of an older quad. Sheesh.

I'm also not entirely sure why I'm posting about A/C and how my place is lacking it, other than I'm still stumped on how to even begin talking/writing about all the changes, most positive, in my life. The things I have not really posted about on this blog. On the facebook. Or on my trusty old livejournal. Stumped, I tell you, STUMPED!

If I had stuck to my typical modus, I'd have it all or most of it written down somewhere, but my modus was anything but typical this year. And maybe that's another positive thing I have going for me.

For now, I'll just try not to pull my hair out from work frustration and focus on how nice it is outside today and think about how much fun Maggie and I are going to have over the next week.

Blog Fail

2011-09-12T15:24:00.006-04:00

Only 11 posts in 2011?

I'm going to have to rectify this STAT!

As I stated in my July 26 post, I have rid my life of much crazy. And I realize I haven't even shared much, if anything, of what has gone on in the life of Karoline over the past year or so. Perhaps that is a potential starting point in regards to my hopes for more frequent blog updates.

Updating may also be beneficial since I am coming off an awful head, neck, and spinal injury from derby, and frankly my brain hasn't been working/processing things in the same fashion which it is used to doing. It's definitely getting better, but I have to say my ditzy factor seems to not be getting better as quickly as the rest of my brain capabilities. Is that the right word I am looking for - capabilities? If it's not the correct word, see above. Head injury.

I *am* hoping that I'll be back on the track in 2012 as long as my impact scores allow me to engage in a full contact sport sooner, rather than later.

Peace out until the next time.

2011-07-26T18:14:00.002-04:00

i've recently purged a lot of crazy from my life. it's been good.

2011-07-15T19:13:00.002-04:00

i hung out with one of my poet-friends last night. it was a good reminder of how there are so many rewarding things to do other than the one extracurricular activity i somehow let consume my personal life over the past six-seven months.

my friend, t, kept saying, "blinders off." quite apropos. i've been feeling the same, but didn't have a term for it. now i do. i thank her for that. now only if she and i could cross paths more often than once every few months or so...

i need more genuine, sincere people in my life. i've got zero tolerance for fake.

2011-06-21T21:52:00.002-04:00

it's been awhile. and by awhile i mean -- MONTHS!
sorry to neglect you, blog. you need some redesign.

--

trying to install new software for work. and NOTHING is working the way it's supposed to work.
quite frustrating.
especially when i am fielding a call in t-minus 19 minutes.

--

i have a new friend in eriePA!
i have a few new friends in eriePA!
maybe this whole putting out more positivity is actually working.

--

as soon as i get my work crap finished, i'm going to buy that banjo.

2011-04-24T00:21:00.004-04:00

beaster time, beaster time.

there are days i think my life is nothing but beaster time.

--

been spread so thin lately, i'm having trouble maintaining.

--

years ago there was an everclear song about being everything to everyone.
while i've never thought myself a pleaser, i'm discovering the whole life upheaval shit uncloseted it...the dreaded pleasing tendency.
my inclination to please was probably always there, i was just unaware.
before.
now i am.
it disgusts me.

i hope i can change it instead of continuing to engage in it.

--

i'm having a hard time standing up for myself when all i see is swampland in myself.
every day.
i don't want my daughter to bear witness to my unraveling, sinking, whatever you call it.
i will power through it.

--

i always do.

2011-03-19T03:35:00.002-04:00

when i ask you a question and you answer, "whatever."
i want you to know "whatever" is insufficient.
it does not answer my question.
nor does it get you out of actually having to answer my question.

i'm like a cat.
i'll be back the very next day.
wanting the answer.
waiting for the answer.

meowing at your door.

2011-02-23T01:25:00.003-05:00

i smell really effing good.

---

you tell me you are
"different"
but;
you are not different.
rather,
you epitomize harrison bergeron

--

thank you for showing me how another weapon works.
you thought i wasn't paying attention,
but all the information was retained.

--

sometimes i walk behind too slowly for others.
or am too scattered, flibbertyjittery
for others to understand.

--

but i am always present.
occasionally distant.
but always present.

--

end.

2011-02-04T06:56:00.000-05:00

i listen to the words, but i'm having difficulty hearing the language.

2011-01-18T04:59:00.002-05:00

so apparently i get more traffic the more often i post in here. go figure.

--

i've been open-eyed dreaming in ebony and plums.

performing the dead walk among the living.

rich in hue and dark in passion, there is unrest.

--

i need to unclog my brain.

2011-01-15T04:39:00.000-05:00

it’s somewhere between sunrise and truth or dare games
played by children who run naked outside in snowstorms
when dawn knocks on the door
raging blood and cuts

paralyzation

you are a shock of red

burning bright in a sunrise looming within twilight
i see the blues in your flames

dusting your self off
trying to not scream
all the while your face
showcases your pain

you are me

i once was you.

2011-01-14T23:48:00.002-05:00

-- listening to the arcade fire. the suburbs. i am ready to start and move mountains beyond mountains.

-- burned my left forearm today. making ghetto gourmet foodstuffs. it effing singes.

-- feeling rahther pretentious. has something to do with the fact that i'm so awesome.

-- yes.

2011-01-06T00:42:00.000-05:00

This year I vow to take better care of my self.

That's what I got right now.

2010-12-02T02:44:00.003-05:00

been sick with the worst flu EVER for about the past week now. i'm on the mend, but that explains why my next installment of ten items about me have yet to be posted. i think i've lost about five-ten pounds. funny, since people are supposed to be gaining weight around this time of year. stress+flu = weight loss. i'll hopefully have something more interesting to post in the next few days - along with the next installment of ten. i hope everyone else out there who reads this here blogger of mine is doing well in mind, body, and wealth-health. back to my space station...err, my couch.

2010-11-22T06:28:00.004-05:00

ok. so the ten things will be forthcoming by wednesday. yes. i will get those superlameyetawesome things posted later - ideally by wednesday.

like john lennon wrote in his song, "beautiful boy," life is what happens while you're busy making other plans...

and holy macaroni! two posts in two days. albeit relatively pathetic posts...but still...it's something.

and something is better than nothing. most times. sometimes.

right?!

PS: i am a nablopomo flunkie two years running now. crapstix with an 'x.'

2010-11-21T06:04:00.002-05:00

so much poetry.

how much, you ask?

SO MUCH.

...more to come on the aforementioned. in the meantime, i'll be posting 10 more not-so-interesting-yet-still-interesting facts about yours truly later today.

word.

2010-11-01T05:37:00.000-04:00

i think i'm going to start calling ohio oh-no-hi-oh again times infinity.

2010-10-16T05:13:00.002-04:00

i've been couchsurfing deep in that giant heart of texas. battling a lot of demons. battling my self.

i am a demon. or an angel. or somewhere in between. depending on whichever side of the tessellation you choose to view.

definitely in flux.

some job prospects on the horizon; although none are for teaching as of right now...and that, THAT is what i'm meant to do. going to check out some community centers in the next week to see if they are hiring any type of workshop leaders, or heck, taking volunteers at this point.

life is messy.

trying to find the beauty in this tragicomic mess of mine.

2010-09-05T23:07:00.000-04:00

i'm drifting farther away and reaching further inwards.

there is an end or at least a solution which is and has started going into effect.

i just don't know how many more minutes of hours of days of weeks i can handle all of it.

it doesn't help when i am aware of the fact that i am consistently belittled in a passively manipulative way by someone whom i care. it also doesn't help on the days when i am flat out ignored, steamrolled, bulldozed.

i'm struggling. it hurts.

2010-08-12T14:07:00.001-04:00

i try to do the right thing. then when i do, it seems i get walked all over and taken advantage of by those of whom i'm helping/trying to help. i'm not sure why/how i consistently do this to myself. it's a pattern. i don't know how to break it.

The Suburbs

2010-08-04T00:37:00.000-04:00

New Arcade Fire. Effing FANTASTIC.

2010-07-29T03:45:00.000-04:00

So much going on in the life of Miss Karoline presently. Sometimes it feels like I am suffocating on toxygen (toxic + oxygen = toxygen). As I continue moving forward with what I know I need to do for my own health as well as Maggie's, I keep discovering there is more and more work to be done. I'm digging through the layers of my earth, and beneath the surface there aren't just four layers, there are layers within the layers, and then the toxygen takes over and I am left breathless. I'm scared, yet excited. I'm overwhelmed, but I know I've been through worse things than this. A wise woman I know, my therapist, advised me to be a broken record to parties who refuse to listen. I think this is a smart move, yet in practice, it doesn't seem to be working; although, rationally I know it has only been less than a week, and sometimes messages aren't clear in such short timeframes. So I keep playing the broken record. Needle skipping on this one scratch. Repetition. Obnoxious in its unrelenting ways, but I know it's what I need to do to keep my sanity. Skip. Skip. Blip. Blip. Hopefully the message will register loud and clear over the next couple weeks, and I can then stop breaking records and start enjoying the music that I know is present in my future.

Self-Statements

2010-07-25T00:05:00.001-04:00

I'm going to do my "facts" in installments of tens. These statements should probably not be called facts per se because while some may be facts, some will also be self-perceptions, and then I'm sure some will also end up being observations that others have made in regards to me over the years. I decided that I'll be calling these "facts," "self-statements." I can't think of what else to call them at this time. So until I think of something better or more interesting to call them, self-statements will do.

Here we go:

10 Self-Statements

01. I have four tattoos.
02. I think roadtrips are the BEST way to travel. Either alone or with someone who is good company.
03. I get red, hotface when I am nervous.
04. I do not excel at making small-talk with others.
05. I have a fiercely independent streak.
06. I read about eight books per month, which averages to about two books per week.
07. "Twin Peaks" is my favorite television show of all-time.
08. I crack my knuckles.
09. I have been told I have an annoyingly positive attitude. I have also been told I have an annoyingly cynical way of thinking at times. Combine the two concepts, and I figure I'm an optimistic pragmatist.
10. My father passed away before we ever got a chance to reconcile.

2010-07-17T22:16:00.000-04:00

i'd be lying if i said i wasn't scared.

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you.

2010-07-04T15:12:00.000-04:00

Several years ago, when I was a regular livejournal post-a-saurus rex-er, I put together a list of 100 facts all about me, so people could learn more about me. The list was compiled for people who were both in my life in-person as well as people who were my intergalactic interwebs buddies. I had learned that people in both realms felt they didn't know a whole lot about me, so the list was compiled to provide a snapshot of sorts into various aspects of my existence. I think I'm going to do another revised/updated list here on my blogger for my readers, friends, family. Largely because I would like people to know more about me, and know that people don't necessarily know all that much about me...well, I guess the basics in regards to my persona. So yeah. Coming soon will be a 100facts post, providing some tidbits and insights into Karoline. Word.

There is vehemence in the aphonic.

2010-07-02T14:36:00.005-04:00

Sometimes the words that matter, carry gravity or lackthereof depending on how you look at it, elude me. I allow myself to get mired in weaving words and language when all I need to do is utilize my powers of brevity.

I've recently found that while my linguistic skills are still somewhat muddled, I am able to get down to the roots, my roots, through painting. I am no aficionado, prodigy, or expert, and others who might ever have a chance to see my painterly side, will probably think it's total sh*t, but it's cathartic to me and I find beauty in my lack of skill.

My lack of language. My lack of training. My lack of expertise. Understanding and embracing the awkward of something new again. I haven't taken to canvas in years. I never felt my skills were good enough. I never felt good enough.

The messiness, the abstraction, layers slathered on, then peeled away. Imprints that are there if you look closely and not too critically. I've never considered myself an artist or artistic for that matter, but over the course of this extended roadtrip, I've found that maybe I can release some of what I want to say and scream onto a canvas. The canvas doesn't judge. It just is.

Painting my heart has been a release. A damn good one at that.

Homeslices III

2010-06-26T03:14:00.005-04:00

i have a direct line to the Gods. dancing barefoot outside in the rain during monsoon season. electric rain bullets attacking, pounding down delicious ambrosia epiphanies into my otherwise starved body and brain. i have no abandon out here, splashing, shouting, laughing in the flooded streets. with the rain pulsing, pelting me, i believe i can accomplish anything. monsoon dancing stirs something from within my core. something more than the familiar numbness i’ve grown accustomed to feeling over the past several years. joy. ecstasy. empowerment. alive. i am ALIVE. then from out of the rain, you walked into my life. you are a vision. and you stir something from within my core. just like the Gods do, but really you are one of my Devils. only i don’t recognize it yet.

2010-06-24T03:07:00.002-04:00

road trip is going well. haven't had a camera other than my phone, so i don't have many pictures, but i do have some to post.

it was soSOso good to see some of my favorite people in knoxville. then maggie and i headed to alabama to visit my oldest sister, barbara. we had such a great time there, neither one of us wanted to leave. i discovered that maggie truly is a waterbaby. not just bathtime. pooltime, too. we would have gone to the beaches there, but with the oil spill, that was a big fat no since the beaches were shut down. not so awesome. now we're in fayetteville, nc, visiting one of my best people, meka. while i may have not known her for very long before she left cleveland, we had a connection and what i would define as being an authentic friendship. our visit to her has only solidified my thoughts on our friendship and how blessed i am to have her in my life. heck, this whole trip thus far has clearly shown me how blessed i am to have such awesome people in my life who truly care about and respect me as much as i do them. they are all in my heart. and they are all in my family. tomorrow (well, later today) we are headed up to raleigh to visit dayna for the day before she jets off on her FREE TRIP to the cayman's until sunday. then we will get more dayna time on monday and tuesday before i meet john in virginia to do a maggie tradeoff so he can have some 1x1 time with our precious babe. i'll miss her so much, but i will admit i am looking forward to a little bit of downtime. she's a very busy baby, and a little break won't hurt me or her. this journey she and i have taken has been such a godsend. i have no other words.

i'll be checking in again soon. :)

2010-05-25T00:55:00.002-04:00

Maggie and I are headed out on Turtle Road Trip 2010 in 4 days. Booyah! Is that how you spell that word? Boo Yah.

I'm excited. Nervous, and maybe a little sad to be going for so long. But excited nevertheless.

I've started compiling playlists for the road, and will hopefully have them all set by Wednesday. I'll hopefully have everything all packed up by Wednesday as well. I think the latter is a little bit of wishful thinking on my part, though.

Yeah, I'm excited.

MISSING

2010-05-22T21:55:00.005-04:00

My oldest nephew's long-term partner and mother (I'll refer to her as H) to their 2 year-old baby boy was officially declared as missing this past week. She abandoned/deserted my nephew and their son shortly before Easter without saying why she was leaving or where she was going. She. Just. Left. No explanation. No nothing. No one seemed to take it seriously other than a handful of people including myself, and my nephew. Then a few weeks ago, H (or someone else acting as her) filed for joint custody of their child. She didn't show up to court. One of H's relatives heard from her on May 5, and H was in Baltimore, MD...that's pretty far away from northwestern, PA. No one has heard anything from her since then. And she certainly didn't show up to the courthouse last week for the custody hearing. Nothing.

There is a rumor circulating around, saying that H joined a fanatical cult - I am not going to name rumored cult. If she did join this cult, I wonder if she left on her own volition with all her faculties of mind and body, or was she heavily influenced/suggested to leave by one or some members, or was she taken by force. I don't know. I don't know if said rumor is true, nor do I know if it is untrue. Whichever way I look at it - independent desertion, kidnapping, cult, etc. - it's all horrible and wrong. I've been worried about H for several weeks now. I've also been worried about my nephew and their son. I've been trying to help my nephew by being available to him as well as helping with research on legal assistance, aid, and Pennsylvania's laws. I've offered to have him and his son to come stay with me here in Cleveland for awhile and have also offered to go to Penn to help them out. My nephew has declined this last offer of mine - at least so far. I hope he takes me up on helping him out some more, though. I can't even imagine what he's going through right now. What their son is going through.

And now H is officially declared as missing. It's about time.

This is some scary sh**. I'll keep on praying and meditating for my nephew, his son, and H. I hope she's okay. We are all worried and wish for her safe return. If you are of the praying and/or meditating sort, please add them to your thoughts and/or lists. We need all the help we can get.

2010-05-17T11:27:00.000-04:00

I keep messing around with the templates on here. I'm not sure what I'm going to go with, but I am sure I will not be creating my own site from scratch anytime over the next year or three. I think the whole website launching thing is going to be thrown in my basket/list of goals that I would someday like to achieve, but are not of huge importance right now. I generally revisit those goals 1-2x a year just to see if any priorities have shifted, but as of right now - and for the past few years, and coming couple years - me launching my own website chock full of me putting some learned skills to use, is not a priority. In the meantime, maybe I'll just plug the domain name I own into this blog.

I've missed you, blog.

so much in the silence

2010-05-15T23:51:00.000-04:00

I'm apparently going through a quiet phase. This has been going on for an undisclosed amount of time. As you can tell, it's been a fairly long phase, and I'm not sure how much longer it will go on.

I will say that it has been a difficult year in many aspects of my life. As time moves forward, I find I am gaining physical, mental, and emotional strength paired with a positive momentum, not to mention insight, education, creativity, understanding, compassion, and wisdom; Although I am not moving forward as quickly as time seems to be.

Maggie is amazing. I honestly don't know where I would be today, if not for my beautiful child. She is my heart. And for as long as I am around, I will strive to give her the best life possible within mine and what I consider to be my Greater Power.

I hope to begin posting more often on here. While facebook has its merits, it's not the same as my trusty blog.

2010

2010-01-29T01:17:00.001-05:00

well hello there, 2010.

hopefully i will not neglect my blog as badly as i did in 2009.

hip, hip, hooray for hoping!

The wind is blowing...

2009-10-26T16:57:00.001-04:00

has anyone seen any tumbleweeds around these parts?

I'm still alive!

2009-08-09T16:15:00.003-04:00

Has it really been 3 months since my last post?! I guess life has certainly been a bit crazy and turned upside down and sideways, so posting has been on the bottom of priority list. Heck, I barely even check my Facebook anymore, if that tells you anything!

We are alive and well. Maggie is my little phenom.

I'll try to post something of more substance in the next couple weeks. Family and life takes priority of blogging for me right now. I know you all understand. :)

Two Months and Thensome

2009-05-04T14:30:00.002-04:00

Maggie's two-month checkup was on Monday, April 27. It has officially been confirmed that not only do I have awesome baby-growing breastmilk, my baby is off the charts...literally. She has grown so much in just one month, it is almost unbelievable. She weighed in at 15 lbs. 8 oz., measured a whopping 24.75 inches, and her head circumference even gained some centimeters at 44 cm.

There have been some tough days over the past month...namely when John went to NYC for a manly men baseball trip, and then was supposed to head to Buenos Aires from there. During that time, Maggie either got sick (she was running a slight fever and not sleeping at all) or was in serious growth mode, leaving me with about two hours of sleep over a 4-5 day period. John made the decision to postpone the trip to BA since it wasn't critical, and now we are considering going down as a family sometime in the next month or so. We need to get Maggie's passport before any plans of us leaving the country really happens though. I'm also just really unsure about leaving the country already; well before she hits the 6 months old mark. I am thankful J opted to not postpone the trip and has even volunteered to take baby duty for several nights since he's been back from NYC. Not many dads volunteer themselves for that duty, and I definitely do not take it for granted.

Motherhood thus far has been such an incredible period of adjustment. Margaret is a really easygoing, mellow baby, which is why it completely freaked me out when she was seemingly so ill a couple weeks ago. And which is also why it stresses me out so much when she gets fuss budgety or has a serious crying jag. Margaret is just so amazing to me, and as each day passes I see her little personality starting to come out and her physical appearance morphing from that somewhat stock newborn look, to more of an individual, I'm my own baby, look.

Maggie started sleeping in her crib last week and has successfully slept through the night for a grand total of five nights now. Can you believe it? This recent development has surprised me being that she is only 10 weeks old, oves sleeping with her mama and/or in the bassinet next to the bed, but with her getting to be so long, the bassinet was really no longer an option. She's just a bundle of surprises. I've been told her all night sleeping jags are going to change back to getting up every few hours once she starts teething, but I'll definitely take the 6-8 hour stretches of sleep she is granting me and John. My sleep schedule is still totally out of whack, but it is nice to have a couple hours of calm for myself to catch up on household things, read a book, or hang out with John before I am able to crash myself.

Margaret smiles all the time, speaks and holds baby cooing conversations with me throughout the day, she can gaze at faces in mirrors for long periods of time and gets very excited about it, loves being read to, and absolutely loves Beethoven - dancing to it and just listening to the music. She is so curious about everything and I often worry I am overstimulating her, but I think she lets me know by getting fussy if certain activities become too much. Margaret recently discovered her hands and has since been putting her little baby fists into her mouth and sucking on them every chance she gets, which makes for a very drooly baby. :) She's also a very active and social baby, which is good to see, and is also interesting because I just knew she would be active while I was carrying her. And the most recent accomplishment is that she rolled about halfway over last week, but hasn't done it again since then, so I'm thinking it was a fluke, but who knows...as I said before, Maggie is just a bundle of surprises.

As I kind of talked about already, we have had some stumbling blocks, but nothing major. There was the mystery bout of sickness and/or growth a couple weeks ago that I already mentioned and a couple other somewhat minor things. We've found out that Maggie definitely has her dad's sensitive skin, with a couple pretty serious cases of diaper rash she's gotten even though we are vigilant about changing her and keeping her bottom dry. It can be so painful and my heart hurts when I think about it. Then there is the fact that Maggie abolutely abhors tummytime. I've tried it with her several times over the past two months, to no avail. She is having none of it. It makes her unbelievably cranky and hysterical. We've tried tummytime on the floor, on the couch, on her gym mat, and in her crib. Still not having any of it. The only other stumbling block we've really had to deal with is when Maggie gets herself all worked up over not getting fed fast enough...that's where the highly active baby thing becomes a curse. She will squirm and wiggle to the point where I can barely keep her both in my arms and on the Boppy to feed. Then she will also start smacking her face and pulling on it so aggressively I get scared she's going to hurt herself. Luckily these events are few and far between, but can definitely take their toll on my heart.

I'm just amazed at what an awesome baby I was blessed with. This is one journey I never really knew I'd be able to make, but I am glad it worked out that I am able to do this. Being a mom to Miss Margaret is everything I hoped it would be. At least so far. ;)

Have I mentioned

2009-04-30T17:59:00.005-04:00

that I can't wait to get the For Sale sign in the front yard? No? Well, I can't wait. I'm especially agitated with the state of the house today. Probably due to the apocalyptic rainfall which means the house probably sprung another leak somewhere. Or maybe it's being confined to one main living space with baby, kitty, and mommy to cavort. One main living space with hardwood floors and mommy's sciatic nerve flaring up, so not much fun to be had on the floor. And man, that cat is driving me berserk today. Quarters are too close. I sure do hope this house sells within a year. For the sake of not only my sanity, but for J, Maggie, and Lucy. Because living with me when I am like this sure can be challenging.

Speed Racer

2009-04-26T21:59:00.002-04:00

I got my first ever speeding ticket tonight. I was by myself, luckily, but I still feel like such an idiot. I'll probably be beating myself up about this for the next several weeks...if not months. *sigh*

Yet another reason I can't wait to move within the next two years...

2009-04-17T18:29:00.008-04:00

I haven't posted a super venty (not to be confused with venti chai tea from the sbux) blog lately, and today seems to be the opportune time to do so...So I was poking around online earlier today and found that somehow our address was reported in some 2008 report the city of Blankity-Blank-Blank Blanks posted online. This mysterious report listed a number of people who were fined for having "noxious weeds affecting the public safety, health, and welfare." Say whaaaa?!?! This is the FIRST I had heard of this. The report contains statements saying individulas listed were given notice to rid the property of said weeds prior to being fined. I'm sorry, we were never notified. EVER. I'm militant about taking care of things and keeping current/abreast of bills, mail, you name it, so I know this is true. We NEVER got a prior notification. I looked and haven't been able to find anything in our files about notifications regarding noxious weeds.

The only thing I can think of is when we were out of the country for several weeks last spring and upon our return we received some mysterious fine from the city via USPS for them supposedly doing some grass cutting. No one from the city had actually cut our grass and we received no prior notification. Just a fine with no details. We refused to pay the fine when no one at city hall could tell us what exactly it was for, who cut the grass, and why. The whole idea of being fined is/was totally ridiculous because we had already paid someone to mow the lawn and care for our kitty while we were gone and it was done, so it couldn't have been that.

We have a huge property - an acre and a half - and I haven't seen any noxious weeds on it since I moved in, so I was thinking maybe the city was trying to stick us with a bill for the ravine on the lot next to ours, but is certainly NOT OUR PROPERTY. Then when J went to pay the property taxes last year, again there was nothing said or written about the mysterious fine by the city. We thought it was gone since there was no actualy proof of anything when J called to inquire about it, it was resolved, and we didn't have to pay, aaaand we didn't receive anything else in the mail regarding the mysterious grass cutting caper. Now I see this report online. What the heck?! This really chaps my hide. I just emailed J about it, but don't expect much in return for the next several days since he is out of the country until the end of April.

I tried to like this suburb of Cleveland, this house, and this neighborhood since I moved in with J, but it just hasn't worked out that way. The people are rude (i.e. If I wave to you, you should wave back. Or if I say hello, maybe you should as well.), or the people are a lot older than we are with no kids or their kids are all grown up, there aren't any sidewalks, people drive down the road like bats out of hell, somehow garbage ends up strewn on our lawn at the end of our property line bordering the street at least once a week, and I plain don't like living in a house I had no choice in choosing...just to name a few reasons why I don't like it.

I've wanted to move to a different area/suburb that better fits our needs for quite some time now, and just recently got J to commit to moving the family out of this fixer house from his previous marriage to a new house within the next two years. We are going to make the necessary renovations and then hopefully sell the house even stevens. I tried, I really tried, but it just isn't going to work out. It really is/was a little too much baggage for me to handle. Then reading that report today just added fuel to the fire. UGH.

Big Baby

2009-04-16T14:52:00.002-04:00

It's official. As of last week, Maggie has outgrown all of her 0-3 months clothes. She's not even two months old yet! That is one big baby!

One Month Stats

2009-04-07T00:43:00.003-04:00

With my computer deciding to go up sh** creek without a paddle a few weeks ago, I was unable to post the CRAZY stats my daughter had during her one month checkup at the pediatrician.

Well, I think they are crazy stats, especially considering that I had to box up Margaret's 0-3 month clothes today. Seeing as how she has outgrown all of them. That's right. I did not stutter. The 0-3 month clothes are out and the 3-6 month clothes are in...And I probably should have boxed her small clothes up a week or two ago, but alas, I was holding on to the fact that she is just so young still! I mean, barely a month old and outgrowing your 0-3 month clothes...NOOOO! NOT YET!

One month checkup stats: Weight: 12 pounds even. Height: 22 1/2 inches long.

That's one big baby!

Computer Woes

2009-04-05T18:00:00.003-04:00

Two weeks with no computer. TWO WEEKS. Talk about unplugging.

Well now that my new laptop is theoretically fixed, I'm hoping I'll be able to pop online a little more often...especially now that Margaret is getting older and is supposedly going to start sleeping more often and regularly.

This whole experience of my new laptop going on the fritz has been quite frustrating. Considering my old laptop was almost three years old before it started dawdling and acting up. My new laptop had problems from the get-go. I got it in December and had issues from Day 1. This last time it decided to crap out on me was the third time Dell had to be called in to intervene. John got a service tech to come out and fix it - apparently my motherboard was fried for some reason - which is beyond me considering I hadn't installed anything on the new laptop other than Office.

If this thing keeps acting up, I'll do as John suggested and just get a Powebook next time I need a laptop. I know John has had minimal problems with his, and that seems to be the consensus with everyone else I know who had/has one.

Needless to say I'm glad to have a fast-functioning computer.

The Stroke

2009-03-11T21:18:00.003-04:00

Today marks the 10 year anniversary of my mom's horribly debilitating stroke. I just want to say that I am so happy she survived and is still alive and kicking. I hope she continues the good fight and will be around for many more years to come. I love you, Mom.

The Baby Arrived!!!

2009-03-09T14:43:00.007-04:00

I've been so lax in posting since I had the baby. But she did finally arrive! After 20 hours of labor, then having to have an emergency c-section, she joined the ranks of the Swanson-Headlee household. Hooray! She was a surprising baby, and I even ended up naming her something different than I had initially anticipated. And while I don't plan on having any more babies, if I do end up with another little girl somehow, I still have another name at the ready...

Margaret Elizabeth was born on February 18, 2009 at 251PM. She weighed in at 9lbs., 5oz., and was 21.25inches long. Her head measured at 40cm. Her ranks were as follows: Weight: 90%ile, Length: 97%ile, and Head Circumference: 99%ile.

I just knew she would have a fairly large head based upon both mine and John's noggins. I also knew she was going to weigh more than the 6.5-7.5 pounds my OB projected. Yep. I was right in both respects...and that makes me feel good because even though I've had a severe case of placenta brain since becoming pregnant, my intuition didn't completely suffer.

Valentine's Day and Still No Baby

2009-02-14T20:03:00.004-05:00

Well baby, you were supposed to be here by today, but apparently you are not quite ready yet. So here I am. Still. Waiting.

We can't wait for you to get here already!

Any Day Now

2009-02-10T15:02:00.003-05:00

Last Thursday night I went to the hospital because my doctor thought I might be in labor due to my intense back pains/spasms. As it turns out I was having contractions and they were 1-3 minutes apart lasting about 45 seconds to a minute. This had been going on throughout the course of the day then continuing along the same path for a couple hours at the hospital. But then something happened. The contractions started to wane. 3-5 minutes apart. Then 7-9 minutes apart. Then back to 3-5 minutes apart. My dilation had made some progress, but not enough to induce, so I was told that I could get a morphine drip and stay in the hospital overnight and take it from there, or I could go home and brave it with some Tylenol. Being that I was starving from not being able to eat since around 100AM earlier that day and not wanting an IV of anything unless absolutely necessary, I opted for the latter. J and I left the hospital around 1145PM and then headed directly to the closest 24 hour restaurant establishment we could find - which happened to be the Eat and Park. It was a decent breakfast meal, although I could have done without the table full of idiot redneck types sitting next to us. I mean seriously.

There were six of them, all at least in their late twenties, and not only were they obnoxiously loud, their conversation revolved around things like, "You know what they say about a guy with big feet..." ARGH! Not such good ambience EVER let alone for a ravenous, angry pregnant lady who is in the midst of still having contractions and wants nothing more than some delicious eggs over easy and french toast. And it didn't help that what I really wanted was IHOP deliciousness instead of the Choke and Puke. The IHOP I speak of is about a block up from the hospital, but it was mysteriously closed that night...and now I am hoping that it hasn't permanently closed. That would be a travesty for me while I'm in the hospital. You see, I have already told John that my first meal after I have the baby will be pancakes with strawberry syrup from the IHOP. Oh yes, my mind is oh so often still on the pancakes. Has been for several weeks or is it months now. Talk about a craving. So let's just hope the IHOP isn't, in fact, closed permanently.

Fast forward to today. Tuesday. My front labor pains have pretty much ceased, other than a few an hour, and I am still waiting. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I'm hoping everything will be a go to induce this weekend. With my family history, I am really hoping I won't need to have the dreaded c-section, but with five out of six sisters needing them, the odds aren't really in my favor. What I am ready for is for the baby to be here. Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy the time I have now, but it is a challenge to enjoy this time when I feel so isolated and incapacitated. And then it didn't help today when I literally walked into a wall in my house, then about 15 minutes later proceeded to fall down about five stairs. Yeah, I would definitely say I am ready for the baby.

Books Read - January 2009

2009-02-02T16:41:00.000-05:00

Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner
Stephen King, Just After Sunset
Henry Kuttner, The Last Mimzy & Other Stories
Dennis Lehane, Shutter Island
Stephanie Meyer, New Moon
James Patterson, Maximum Ride: Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

Well, That's That

2009-01-31T17:25:00.002-05:00

I joined facebook today. As my friend, John (a la HIDEOUS KINKY), said, "The mighty have FALLEN."

Try not to judge too harshly.

Fourteen Days Until D-Day

2009-01-31T08:08:00.007-05:00

I'm due in 14 days. At my doctor's appointment this week, I found out my dilation and effacement had no change from the previous week. Well then. There went my high hopes of having the baby before the due date, but still full-term. I feel kind of bad for saying this, but I am ready to be done. I can barely get up off my couch without help, and let's not even talk about what an ordeal it is for me to get out of bed at night for the billionty times I have to pee. Then there are the mysterious migraine-type headaches I've been getting for about a week now, generally feeling like a pile of dog poop, the OHMYGOSH my left foot is so swollen I can't get a shoe on it, the surge in my weight (again), and the swollenest face I've EVER had - IN MY LIFE. My doctor mentioned the weight herself because she was surprised at just how swollen I was at my 900AM appointment and she thinks I might be showing signs of toxemia, but since my blood pressure is still in the normal range for me - even though it's higher than my usual 90/60, and my proteins are still normal, she doesn't think it's toxemia quite yet. I am monitoring the blood pressure daily now, and have been relegated to "no more manual labor" and "resting with your feet elevated above your heart."

I have entirely too much stress on my back from the baby, which we also found out earlier this week when I was scrubbing the bathroom and it literally took me twenty minutes to get myself switched from all fours on the floor, to propped up against the bathtub with my butt on the floor, then heaved up onto the edge of the tub to sit, then miraculously to my feet. No more manual labor. I don't know how I will be able to handle this. I am, by nature, an obsessive person when it comes to keeping things tidy and clean. It's taken me a long time to be begrudgingly, but somewhat okay with John's love of stacking piles of stuff, which I call stacks of crap, and I don't know how I am going to handle not really being able to do all the cleaning up type duties that I perform on a regular basis. Cleaning is cleansing to me. Cleaning is catharsis.

From previous experience, I know I can't relax when chores aren't done and everything is more or less cleaned up and back in place. And I also know from previous experience, that I have greeeeeeeeeeat difficulty in relying on someone else to shoulder the responsibilities and that when I do, things are never done as efficiently, effectively, or as well as I do them. Heck, we used to have a cleaning person, but we stopped that after I noticed that the shower had gone one too many times without the proper cleaning. My standards aren't/weren't met. J says I hold myself and others to ridiculously high standards...I don't know about that. But I guess I will find out more about my standards and limits over the coming weeks when I have to rely on him more than I am used to in order to get the regular chores done around the house. I don't know how I am going to react to this change, but I am hopeful that we will able to cope. That I am able to cope.

I've been told that my world is going to be turned upside down once the baby gets here. Maybe I will change and be able to let messy rooms go for longer than I'm used to doing. Maybe I won't. And while I believe others when they say my world is totally going to change, at least I'll be able to get on my hands and knees to clean the floors again.

2008 Recapper Meme

2009-01-28T19:17:00.006-05:00

I wanted to post this before January somehow slipped away from me.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
-- Switched career paths. Got pregnant. Worked on my commitment issues and devoted myself to my relationship with J. Lived in Buenos Aires for 6/7 weeks.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
-- I don't do resolutions, but I make annual goals. And yes, I made some goals for 2009.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
-- Yes. A couple people, actually.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
-- No. Thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?
-- Argentina

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
-- Being more spiritually connected.

7. What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
-- April/May: Argentina trip. AWESOME time. Professionally and personally. June 28: Took some home pregnancy tests. Was 99.8% sure I was pregnant. August 11: Saw the Flash on ultrasound for the first time at 13.5 weeks along in my pregnancy. September 26: Got the 3D ultrasound and found out we were having a girl.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
-- Commitment and perseverance

9. What was your biggest failure?
-- Not exercising as frequently as I needed and wanted

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
-- Five months of debilitating 24/7 morning sickness

11. What was the best thing you bought?
-- Geekery: the new camera (Canon G-10!) and the tv

12. Where did most of your money go?
-- Besides the usual cycle of bill payments, the other money went to getting rid of all credit card debt, dental work, all things baby, MINI maintenance/repairs, travel, and geekery

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
-- Having a baby

14. What song will always remind you of 2008?
-- Even though it's a few years old, "Everybody's Changing" by Keane

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Happier
Thinner or fatter? Fatter and pregnant
Richer or poorer? Richer and in less debt

16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
-- Work, exercise, practiced more spirituality, and relaxation

17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
-- Being sick

18. How did you spend Christmas?
-- Christmas Eve, went to Cambridge Springs, PA for celebration with my immediate family. Christmas Day, hung out at home in Cleveland, OH.

19. Did you fall in love in 2008?
-- I did.

20. How many one-night stands?
-- Zero

21. What was your favorite TV program?
-- Top Chef, Project Runway, Big Bang Theory, and all five seasons of Six Feet Under which I watched maniacally for the first time - and yes, I could see what all the hype was about

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
-- Gee whiz. Hate is such a nasty word. I don't think I hate anyone.

23. What was the best book you read?
-- Geek Love and The Road

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
-- That the baby really gets moving inside of me when I listen to Weezer, Arcade Fire, Beethoven, Chopin, and Mozart

25. What did you want and get?
-- J to get a new car.

26. What did you want and not get?
-- A chest freezer and a pair of Crocs for my aching feet while shopping on Black Friday with two of my sisters.

27. What was your favorite film of this year?
-- None of these came out in 2008, but were nevertheless my faves of the year: Ils (Them), The Savages, El Orfanato (The Orphanage)

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
-- I stayed in as J was out of town and the weather was pretty horrible. We got takeout and celebrated when he got back. I turned 31.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
-- Not being so sick for several months

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
-- Comfort. Growing the Flash has been an exercise in putting total comfort first. Can we say yoga pants?!

31. What kept you sane?
-- Family, friends, the support system

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
-- None?

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
-- Economy

34. Who did you miss?
-- My Knoxville family

35. Who was the best new person you met?
-- Ana down in BA

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
-- You need to practice honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, and diligence in all aspects of your life.

The Insomnia Returns

2009-01-27T09:42:00.008-05:00

I thought I was supposed to lose sleep AFTER the baby was here. Nope. This is sooo not the case. I've recently found out the loss of sleep starts early. For the past month or so, I've had terrible sleep. Terrible as in the insomnia I used to experience in high school, college, and into my mid-twenties. I don't think I've written about my battles with insomnia on here, but let me tell you one thing, insomnia is definitely not something that will maximize your productivity (unless you are hopped up on something). And insomnia is certainly no fun. No fun indeed.

In order to conquer the worst bits of my insomnia, it's really taken a lot of time, money, and energy to get to a point where I can sleep for more than a couple hours at time, but with help, I found a solution...well I used to have one, that is until the past month or so reared its ugly head. Over the past couple years, I've grown accustomed to a good solid 7 hours of sleep a night and the recent disruption in my sleep patterns has really messed with my mojo. If I'm not getting up to pee every 40 minutes, I'm only sleeping for an hour (two, if I'm lucky) at a time. Totally unfair.

And while I am trying to look at this disruption as preparation for when the baby gets here, it's hard to keep an objective mind about it when I can see my fuse getting shorter and shorter every day. I thought pregnant/mom brain was bad enough, but combine that with lack of sleep, and you get one majorly bad case of goofy brain. I say this as I am on Day 3 of getting less than 2 hours of total sleep in one night. I just want one more night of good solid sleep before the baby gets here. But I think that may be too much to ask.

I Made It!

2009-01-24T08:01:00.000-05:00

I am officially full-term today!

Goals 2009

2009-01-21T14:33:00.010-05:00

1. Make necessary doctor's appointments that I have been avoiding; Go to scheduled appointments and proceed as advised.
2. Acclimate to motherhood positively and to the best of my abilities, relax a bit, and ask for help when I need it after the baby gets here; Enjoy and make productive use out of the time I have with my new child; Make appropriate decisions regarding going back to work on a full-time, part-time, or on a purely per project-based schedule.
3. Travel to and live in Argentina for one month with the new family unit.
4. Continue to learn how to better manage finances and stick to budget; Put together a financial action plan and make forward progress with our goals.
5. Decide whether to keep or sell the MINI.
6. Find my way back to a workable workout regimen after the baby arrives; Workout 4-5 times a week as long as it is not detrimental to my recovery; Decide whether or not to join a new workout facility, purchase cardio equipment, and/or join CrossFit with J.
7. Practice proactivity in my recovery; Recognize when I need help and ask for it since that was somewhat of a struggle for me in 2008; Continue to use the support system I have in place.
8. Make the two most vital home improvements to the house: 1. New roof, and 2. Start gutting and remodeling the second floor of the house in order to have more functional, livable space for a growing family; Complete the finished room in the basement and get the new home office completely set-up and useable; Get better organized and rid our lives of unnecessary clutter, donate and/or throw away items we no longer need or want; Finish landscaping the front yard of the house; Start making decisions on how to proceed with future improvement projects.
9. Maintain current healthy relationships, purge the unhealthy relationships, improve relationships I want to keep but are currently suffering, and develop and grow healthy new relationships.
10.Work on the spiritual side of my life.

Review of 2008 Goals

2009-01-16T19:55:00.002-05:00

It's a little over two weeks into the New Year, which means it is time to post my thoughts regarding the goals I set for myself last year. I mentioned some intitial thoughts about these goals in my NYE post, but today I will delve into each individual goal more thoroughly to see what I actually did well and the areas I could certainly use some improvement. I annually review my previous year's goals before I post a new year's goals, and while I haven't posted my review(s) on blogger before (typically keeping my reviews personal), there is a first time for everything. So let's get started.

Review of 2008 Goals

1. Train, run, and complete the Cleveland Half-Marathon. Goal not achieved. While I did train for the half-marathon for a few months, I stopped training when I realized we would be in Argentina for 6+ weeks in April and May, not returning until a few days before the marathon. This being my second lengthy trip to Buenos Aires, I knew going into it that my abilities to train properly would be just about nil. For starters, when down there the work hours tend to be very long and productive - I'm talking 65-80+ hour work weeks. Then there are the social aspects - spending time with friends and co-workers, going out, being entertained and entertaining, etc. And the timeframes for things such as meals are quite lengthy - example, the typical dinner hour starts between 9 and 10PM and lasts a good 2 hours. After working a 12-16 hour day, then going to eat, not getting home until after midnight, generally means not a ton of time to train - and if you have trained for a long race before, you know it takes up a decent amount of time. So that trip was where I fell off the wagon with training. I did end up getting a lot of exercise down there as walking to various destinations is so easy, but I did not get the half-marathon training in and I was okay with it; Since I knew going into the extended trip to Argentina, that if I was honest with myself, I really wouldn't be racing in Cleveland when I returned.

2. Begin development on my first book; Write at least thirty minutes a day, five times a week. Goal not achieved. I began development on the book, but it fell to the wayside. And I'm not sure when I'll get back to it. Inspiration eluded me on it, so I gave up. The writing 30 minutes a day, 5x a week also didn't happen AT ALL in 2008. I lacked the internal drive and structure to force myself to actually do it. Again, inspiration also eluded me on this one.

3. Broaden freelance network base; Forge ahead with career change; Do rewarding work. Goal achieved. Work was steady this year. I switched gears from the Human Resources and Recruiting realm to the Technical Writing world. Suffice it to say, I have not totally abandoned HR, as my advice and expertise does get called upon from time to time, but I would say I have begun to make a successful career shift. This was a pretty huge change for me as I had been in the HR/Recruiting world for almost eight years if you include the work I performed as an undergraduate out in Arizona (six if we're talking purely business world and not academia). The change has been nothing short of challenging, frustrating, and rewarding all at the same time.

4. Learn all the ins and outs of CSS; Finish website; Develop and launch two new websites; Become more well-versed in the tech world. Goal partially achieved. Regarding this goal: I read some books, did numerous practice exercises, but never got to the ultimate goal of actually launching one website, let alone two. And while I might still eventually launch my website, I might also just plug it into what I have here on blogger. I know, I know. It's the lazy man's route, but the website launch became less of a priority as the year progressed. As far as becoming well-versed in the tech world, I must say I am getting better as each day passes...even with pregnant brain.

5. Continue to circularly practice proactivity in my recovery. Goal achieved. While I did fall off the horse during the first half of 2008, with not necessarily eating adequately, exercising a little too much, and not necessarily listening to the experts and people who love me when it came to my recovery, I did manage to hop back on during the second half of the year. This was probably largely due to me finding out I was going to have a baby in 2009. Let me just say, that finding out about the babe's impending delivery was the swift kick in the pants I needed. I never thought I would actually be able to conceive (let me say it was quite THE surprise when I found out I had), and while the timing wasn't ideal, conceiving the Flash is/was an unexpected gift - a gift not to be messed up. From the moment I found out, I knew I had to get back on the horse, and continue to work hard and do what my doctors advised me to do in both the best interests of the baby and myself. So while the first half of 2008 was difficult with recovery, the second half became that much easier because I felt I had more of a purpose to keep forging ahead. It all started to make sense to me, I guess. That's the only way I can really explain it.

6. Learn how to better manage finances and stick to budget. Goal achieved. YES! All credit cards are now paid off. J and I are still working on some imbalances with the spending, but I think that we made some seriously positive steps in the right direction dureing 2008, only setting ourselves up for a better 2009. The most important thing I think I learned from this goal was that when there are two or more people involved in a household budget, honesty from all parties involved is key as well as being able to openly discuss finances. If J and I hadn't been honest with one another, I don't think we would have gotten the credit cards paid off, and we wouldn't have plans on how to tackle our next debt goals. I know having a baby in 2009 is certainly going to throw us for a loop, but I feel better prepared to deal with it since we have an open line of communication.

7. Travel to at least three new places this year; Continue to save money for trip to Sweden. Goal partially achieved. I technically travelled to at least two new places this year: When we went to Buenos Aires, we stayed in a new neighborhood and also did quite a bit of exploring in areas of the city I had never been to, and I also took a trip to Charlotte, NC back in August to visit with one of my oldest friends and best people, Dayna. I didn't get to a third place, I don't think. And as far as saving money for a trip to Sweden, that didn't happen either. Money that was going to be saved for a big trip like that was spent on getting out of debt and the impending baby arrival. I'm thinking we won't be able to take a good, long trip to Sweden for at least four or five years now, so that's going to the backburner for awhile.

8. Train, workout five-six times a week as long as it does not adversely affect my recovery; Begin regular pilates classes. Goal not achieved. Well, I was working out about 5 times a week for say, the first quarter of the year, but then that stopped when we went to BA. And while I did get a decent amount of exercise down there, it wasn't "dedicated" workout time. Then after we got back from the trip, I started working out a lot again (somewhat to the detriment of my recovery), until I got the mystery 24/7 morning sickness. The sickness lasted 4 or 5 months (I block it out), and I was pretty much rendered useless in most categories of my life during that time. I was none too pleased. Once I was out of the woods with the sickness, I did start to workout with my Core Rhythms dance dvds and do some power walking, but never officially made it back to the gym regularly. I think it was hard for me to find my way back to the gym because the gym I've belonged to for the past three years, has lost its luster with me - not offering the classes I want to take and the service has gone downDOWNdown. And now with a baby on the way, my gym also doesn't have childcare unless I drive 30-45 minutes to the one branch in the city that does have it...So I pretty much need to find a new gym with everything I am seeking or bone up and buy cardio equipment for a home gym and get my butt started at CrossFit (which I had planned on doing before the dreaded sickness).

9. Locate, research, and visit various geographic areas where relocation would be possible in the next three years, so there is a geo-pool from which to choose. Goal partially achieved. Goal was partially achieved in that I would still like to find a way to live in Argentina for 6 months out of the year. There is a small, but feasible chance that we could make a half-year abroad move happen until the baby is of age to enroll in school, but otherwise, I don't really see any other options for relocation for quite awhile. So that goal was kind of pushed to the wayside.

10. Maintain current healthy relationships, purge the unhealthy relationships, improve relationships I want to keep but are currently suffering, and develop and grow healthy new relationships. Goal achieved. I don't think this goal will ever be eliminated from my annual goals. I did work a little harder on this one in 2008, and I have to say, I am pretty happy with where I am at with my relationships.

Notsobendy

2009-01-14T13:49:00.004-05:00

As I grow larger and larger, I find it is getting harder and harder to put on my pants, socks, and shoes. It is actually becoming a multi-pronged process. This is somewhat disturbing to me. Just a few more weeks.

36 weeks

2009-01-13T13:46:00.009-05:00

35 weeks
Originally uploaded by .karoline

I had my 36 week appointment yesterday, and it is safe to say that all is looking great at this point. J was able to make it to this one thankfully as I was having my first internal check since the first trimester. I am already dilated 1cm. Can you believe it?!

So what does this dilation mean to me and the baby? My doctor says that I will likely be delivering between 38-40 weeks. So pretty much on-time. How's that for my body doing some lean manufacturing. Guaranteed on-time delivery. Hahaha. And here I was thinking the baby would come out late, but apparently she's ready to greet the world on-time, and that makes me very happy.

What else? The babe moves around constantly, the heart rate is normal, growth is good, she's still tilted head down, my weight gain is normal this week, and my blood pressure is low. Going into Monday's appointment, the only thing I was really concerned about was my weight because at my last appointment I was told I had gained too much poundage between appointments. Seven pounds total weight gain. Five pounds "more than necessary."

You see, my doctor's nurse was out so a different doctor's nurse in the practice weighed me in and told me I gained about five more pounds than I needed to between my appointments and that I needed to watch that. I was completely bent out of shape about that being said to me. One reason being that my medical file says that I am to get blindweighted because of my ED history and I ALSO mentioned it when we got to the scale, and then the second reason being was that if she actually glanced at the progress I've been making, my weight gain has been below-average to average (you may remember that I was told I needed to be eating more for awhile there and that I was put on a more structured plan for that), so a five pound surge shouldn't have been too alarming.

So I talked to my doctor about it, she apologized for what happened and told me that my one little piece of extra weight gain was perfectly fine, especially since my weight gain has been healthy and I'm pretty much all baby. Yes, you see, I am not only The Stubborn Swede, I am also the Short-Waisted, Stocky Swede. At this point there is nowhere else for the baby to go but outwards. I am somewhat convinced I am growing the Sasquatch baby. With John being so tall, I am really beginning to wonder. I suppose we will know in just a few weeks.

Ack! My due date is one month away!

Paid Off

2009-01-12T12:45:00.007-05:00

As of January 15, all of my credit cards will be paid off! Euphoria!

Now we just need to get the personal loan J took out before we met, and the balance of the MINI loan (or sell it, as I am pretty keen on at the moment with baby arriving soon) paid off, and then all of our higher interest debt will be gone.

When all is said and done, as long as we stick to our guns, we should be totally out of what is considered higher interest debt within the next 1-2 years, leaving us only with the house and remainder of my student loan debt to then tackle moreso than we already are.

I do still need to put the complete action plan together as I am guesstimating on timeframes right now, but two years seems to be a fair estimate.

Have I mentioned I am euphoric?

Books Read - December 2008

2009-01-06T15:04:00.004-05:00

Charles Bock, Beautiful Children
Gigi Levangie Granger, The Starter Wife
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Paul Shepherd, More Like Not Running Away
Jean Thompson, Throw Like A Girl

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T00:00:00.002-05:00

Hello 2009! I hope this year is full of happiness, health, and success for all of you, friends!

NYE

2008-12-31T20:59:00.003-05:00

It's that time again. The eve of the New Year...which means I will be reviewing my 2008 goals and putting together the official outline for my 2009 goals. I've been thinking quite a bit about my 2009 goals over the past few months, so I definitely have a solid foundation going into the whole process. Some of my goals in 2008 were achieved, some were not. I had some pretty challenging curveballs thrown in my direction this year, and I feel I definitely dealt with them successfully without detriment to my self, my relationships, my recovery, and my work.

Being able to successfully deal is an overall improvement from my past actions and behaviors. I would not have been able to deal had I not learned how to ask for help when I needed it through therapy and the amazing support system I have in place with family, friends, and doctors. I've always had some support beams in place, but I never really took advantage of them before, and through the completely life-changing experiences I went through and survived in 2007, I have learned I cannot do everything alone.

It took time for me to come to terms with opening myself up to others and actually being proactive in my recovery versus my typical modus of paying lip service and acting as though everything was a-okay. Life has been pretty darn amazing since I have opened myself up to really living, and I'm so happy I am still around. I want everyone who has been there for me to know how much they mean to me. I wouldn't be where I am at emotionally, spriritually, mentally, professionally, and even physically without you.

On to 2009!

The Book of Face

2008-12-30T15:38:00.005-05:00

I almost signed up for Facebook today. I have been resistant to do so for the past year or two, but now with various friends repeatedly asking me to succumb to the trend, I am/was tempted. I just don't know if I can do it, though. After opening an account on myspace four years ago, proceeding to get somewhat addicted to it, gaining a few stalkers (no thanks to my derby days), then deleting that account only to open a new one later and having to rebuild only makes me that much more hesitant.

Now with my new(er) myspace, I have a more manageable grouping of friends and contacts, and I am hesitant to open a facebook account because of the time I know I will end up spending and wanting to spend on it reconnecting with people, nosing around, building up my network, and possibly feeding my dormant addiction to time sucking vortices. But since a few of my best people have completely abandoned myspace, and even though there is email and this here blog, I feel a little sad not having them there on my friendlies and also not having the ability to hop onto their pages and see what's the haps in their worlds somewhat instantaneously.

So I almost signed up today. But I didn't. Still.

To facebook or not to facebook? Should I do it? Should I not do it?

Judd Apatow - You Are On Notice

2008-12-29T16:58:00.002-05:00

While J was on vacation last week, we kind of went on a movie-watching bender. Gosh, I love netflix...but to my point. One of the movies we watched was Stepbrothers. I do not recommend this film to anyone. Not ever. Judd Apatow - you are officially on notice. Stepbrothers was not funny. It was farFARfar from funny. In fact, the only recent movie of Apatow's I've seen and after it ended, thought to myself, "Hmm...that was pretty good," was Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and even FSM wasn't as great as anticipated.

Judd Apatow, I am so OVER you.

32 Weeks

2008-12-20T16:17:00.005-05:00

Seven months down, two to go. I officially made it to the eight month mark yesterday! So what's been going on with me and the babe?

Since my last post regarding the progress of the pregnancy, I have grown to gargantuan proportions. I kid you not. I've started referring to myself as the "weeble with the backside lopped off." I'm relatively flat in the back and all sorts of three-dimensional curves up front. I guess you could say I also look kind of like a well-decorated gingerbread man. Weeble or gingerbread man, either way, I'm large and in charge. As I have been growing rapidly, driving the car has slowly started becoming more and more uncomfoftable, and I am beginning to fear that I only have a couple more weeks where I will actually be able to drive somewhat comfortably. That could be bad news for my other half. Bad, bad news.

I've been going to the doctor every two weeks for the past month and will continue on that schedule for the duration of my pregnancy, unless it gets upped to once a week as the big day looms ever closer. The past few appointments have remained on the up and up, which has been good for my peace of mind. The baby is growing normally, her heart rate is strong, she's still moving around like the athlete I know she will probably end up being (Do I see us running races together in the future??? Perhaps, perhaps.), she is still facing in the downward position so I'm still hopeful I won't have to have a c-section, my weight gain is on par, and my blood pressure still remains very low.

Around week 30, I started getting the NOTSO comfortable Braxton Hocks contractions. Practice for the future, I know, I know. And while they are manageable, I have to say they are undesirable. Dizzy spells, which my OB said was likely due to low-blood sugar and is now being combatted with more proteins in my diet, and a re-emergence of some morning sickness has also been prevalent in my life since my last preggers post.

I crave pancakes, eggs benedict, and apples non-stop. At least with those cravings, I'm covering almost all the major food groups. I haven't had really intense cravings like the aforementioned ones throughout my pregnancy. Sure, I had my days where all I wanted was Mexican food, or maybe a bag of Lay's original potato chips, but nothing like my intense desire for the pancakes, eggs. and apples. To start with, I've probably eaten somewhere between 20-30 pounds of apples in the past month. and then there's my whole thing with the breakfast food. I'm insatiable. Poor John. We've gone out to eat more than usual the past two weeks largely due to my lack of energy to do the grocery shopping (which is usually my favorite household duty), and I've dragged him to the IHOP, Cracker Barrel, Eat 'n' Park, and Yours Truly - all in the name of pancakes and eggs benedict. And then yesterday, J was off work (vacation for the next week!!!) so we were finally going to the grocery store together and of course I requested we go have lunch at the Waffle House for their delicious awfulwaffles. I kind of feel bad for the guy. Too many pancakes!!!

I'm still doing the supernesting routine, although my speed and vigor which I had previously has decreased since I tire much more easily now. The baby's furniture is all put together and situated in her room, and I finally found the perfect curtains for the baby's room - white shabby chic ones that complement the room's color and style quite nicely. There are still a bunch of things we need to purchase, prepare for, and get done, but I'm going to hold off until after the mysterious, surprising baby shower my little sister is throwing me in January. I wasn't planning on having a shower nor did I expect any of my sisters to throw me one, but she's insisting - and I have to say, it makes me feel loved and less like the family's misfit toy. And that, my friends, is a whole different story for another day.

Almost Thirty-One Years Old

2008-12-04T14:52:00.007-05:00

My birthday is on Sunday. I will be the big 3-1. Blame it on the joys of Pregnant Brain, holiday shopping that still needs to get finished, or just plain baby excitement coupled with anxiety, but I keep forgetting that the old birthday is coming up...now in just 3 days...or 4 depending on how you look at it. I've been reminded by several people over the past few days, so I guess it's on my brain.

I don't think John and I are doing anything special to celebrate because he is going to West Virginia to help his mom with a sale we had committed to helping her with a couple months back. I initially planned to go on this trip, but with how wacky my hormones have been and my propensity to be overly sensitive over the past few (several?) weeks, we think it's probably not in my (and our) best interest for me to go. So I'm thinking I'll take the weekend to finish my holiday shopping, maybe pick up some more things for the baby and her room, finish Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and sleep late since my body has been requiring more and more of the Zzzs.

As for a little celebration, I'll probably get myself a piece of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory, too. I've had an insane craving/obsession for Key Lime Pie lately, and since it is very difficult to find up here in these parts, the Key Lime cheesecake will probably have to suffice unless I bone up and decide to make myself a pie. Which isn't totally out of the question.

And while I am on the subject of food, I found these sweet little Jessie Steele aprons this week. I think I might have to splurge and get myself the Blue Polka Floral and/or the Brown with Pink Polka Dots apron - seeing as how I manage to get my clothes dirty almost every time I cook or bake something. I've never had an apron before, but since I've been in nesting overdrive, I am starting to see the importance of having a good apron in order to cover up and protect my clothes. I swear I've cooked and baked more over the past month and half than I have over the past year. Now THAT'S insane.

Books Read - November 2008

2008-12-03T16:11:00.003-05:00

Holly Chamberlin, Babyland
Alicia Erian, Towelhead
Katie Estill, Dahlia's Gone
Thomas Harris, Hannibal Rising
Chuck Klosterman, Downtown Owl
Cormac McCarthy, The Road
Joe McGinniss, Jr., The Delivery Man
Jennifer McMahon, Island of Lost Girls
Stephenie Meyer, Twilight
Francine Prose, Goldengrove
Scott Smith, The Ruins
Stephen J. Spignesi, The Lost Work of Stephen King: A Guide to Unpublished Manuscripts, Story Fragments, Alternative Versions and Oddities

The Family Wagon

2008-11-26T14:09:00.010-05:00

Say hello to our new car. The official first family car. John purchased the 2009 Jetta TDI Sport Wagon last week. Let me be the first to say, it is about time. His raise, which was technically effective as of this past July, was for a new, fully functional car; and since J had been driving my old college Crapalier after selling his Jeep, a second new car has been a long-time coming. After much research, J opted for the VW, and I am happy he finally made a decision and purchase. I haven't driven it yet, but I'm hoping to do so while he's away in Argentina in a couple weeks. I have much to say about this unexpected trip and some obstacles we've had to face over the past couple weeks, but with my anxiety in overdrive, it's too upsetting and fresh for me to blog about at this time. Sooo, best to keep my mouth clamped shut on the topic for now. And now I'm trying to focus on something positive, like the new car. I think it's a good car for a couple with a new babe on the way.

*Edit***721PM* I just found out that J does not have to go to Argentina now, so that alleviates much of the anxiety overdrive. Hooray for prayer and the power of positive thinking!

Dummies

2008-11-19T12:47:00.007-05:00

Two nights ago I dreamed I fell from the sky. Crashing down, knocking the breathwindlife out of me.

Last night I dreamed there were shooting stars falling from my bedroom ceiling.

And over the past week during my waking life, a Charlie McCarthy doll keeps popping up in my peripheral vision. A mocking smile plastered to his face. A few times a day. He's not really there. I haven't seen this doll since I was a child.

I don't know what, if anything, this all means.

But I do know these dummy visions need to go.

Twilight

2008-11-13T12:27:00.013-05:00

I picked up the first Twilight book last weekend. J had to work at the colo down in Pittsburgh, so I knew I was going to be sitting on my butt during those hours, and since I have come to realize that when J says something will take a couple hours it really means several hours, I desperately needed something to occupy my time other than my favorite crosswords and anagrams game on my trusty DS. Hence the purchase. I've been wanting to know what all the hype's about, so why not buy the book on the cheap at the Bal-Mart while we were picking up routers and other mysterious computer hardware?

So I started reading Twilight at the colo, couldn't get into it, quit trying to force it and let the book sit until this week. I'm about 200 pages into it, and to be honest, I'm not really sure how I feel about it. It's not root canal horrible and it's not ohmygoodness I need to read this in one sitting wonderful either. As a fan of YA fiction, I'm just not sure where I stand with Twilight.

I'll finish it whether or not it is as nearly kickarse as everyone seems to think, and I'll probably read at least one more book in the series to see if there is an ongoing theme of "take it or leave it," but as of right now the book hasn't sucked me in in much the same way as say the His Dark Materials Trilogy, Harry Potter, or even, oh yes, I'm going there - the horribly awful, can't help yourself from finishing once you started reading Gossip Girl books.

26.5 Weeks

2008-11-11T18:39:00.009-05:00

Ohhh baby. You tire me out.

Who knew that I would be so exhausted at this point in my pregnancy? My nutritional intake during the pregnancy has been above average simply because it has to be, but growing Little Miss Flash is possibly one of the most tiring things I've ever done in my life. Even more tiring than running a marathon or playing in a bout where I was skating 75% of the time. I've heard that many women get oodles of energy during their second and third trimesters. Apparently the energy surge is not for me. And I know I am in for even more tiring days and nights once the babe gets here...why couldn't I luck out with the mystery energy surge?

I had another doctor's appointment and the dreaded glucola diabetes testing last Wednesday. During the doctor's appointment, all signs pointed to the positive, as seems to be the ongoing case. The Flash's heart rate is smack dab in the middle of the healthy range, my blood pressure is low, and my weight gain is normal. Once again the baby just had to prove her movement faculties to her eager audience, and it took a little bit of time to get the heart rate, but as I said before, it was good. The Flash is positioned normally, and from what my doctor told me, I should be able to deliver through my hooha versus c-section. (Yes, I know you all wanted to know that. ;)) And it turns out I don't have the beetis, so I don't need to worry about any complications that could have arisen from that, which is a relief.

Over the past month or so, the baby's movements have increased. My stomach visibly moves now and it's as though I have a vibrating belly for several hours a day. Interestingly, the Flash can sense when you are touching her through my abdomen and once she does, she ceases movement in an area and will either move on to somewhere else or stay put until you remove your hand. She also seems to increase her movements when I am listening to Debussy and Mozart, so I've added those artists to my baby music loop. We still don't have a name solidified yet, so the baby is still referred to as The Flash or The baby. I do have a full name I am quite fond of, but J isn't its number one fan. I might have him convinced soon enough, I don't know though. What I do know is that no one in my family ever told me it would be this difficult to make a joint decision on baby names. Or maybe none of my sisters ever tried to make it a joint decision...harumph.

J and I made it to Morgantown and Pittsburgh last weekend. We had a good visit with his mom, then turned northward and ended up purchasing a good amount of the baby and office furniture, as well as some kitchen and living essentials. And this past weekend, J finished the finished area in the basement and the final coat of paint in the baby's room, so I'm finally starting to feel more like we are actually moving forward with the house changes versus the stagnation I was sensing before. We still have a ton of things to do, but getting the initial legwork out of the way makes everything else seem just a little bit more manageable.

But then on the flipside of the manageability, I feel completely and utterly overwhelmed with everything I still need to do. And with the holidays coming, my anxiety is increasing tenfold. I went and started registering for baby stuff on Sunday, and I literally wanted to run out of the store screaming after about an hour and a half. Prior to registering I thought J and I had a good leg up on our purchases of the things we will need, but while going through the store with my scanner gun, I had a rude awakening - we are so not as prepared as I thought we were. I have three months to get it together, and since Sunday, I've been trying to use my wisemind and breathe and take things one step at a time, but it is certainly a challenge. I know we will manage and get through this last trimester successfully, it just seems I haven't been able to get a handle on my anxiety the past few days. Hopefully the anxiety will dissipate.

Sensitivo

2008-11-05T19:52:00.004-05:00

I think my emotional hormones have finally kicked in to some serious wackedness. I've been overly sensitive the past couple weeks...and that's putting it lightly. And the real kicker of it all is that I recognize when I'm being completely wacked, but just can't seem to help myself from proceeding down that trail.

Books Read - October 2008

2008-11-01T08:00:00.004-04:00

Guess what? I read ZERO books during the month of September. ZERO. I read bits and pieces of What to Expect When You're Expecting and the Mayo Clinic's Complete Book of Pregnancy & Baby's First Year, but that's to be expected. For some reason, I did not do any reading for pleasure. Hmm.

I did pick up my snail pace a bit in October, even if most of it could be construed as "mindless but enjoyable" reading. Whatever gets you through, right?

Andre Dubus III, The Cage Keeper
Terri Gerritson, The Keepsake
Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner, Freakonomics
Lowis Lowry, The Giver
James Patterson, 3rd Degree
James Patterson, 4th of July
James Patterson, The 5th Horseman

The winner of the month was Freakonomics. It took me about 75 pages to really get into it, but once I did get into it, I plowed through it. The book's pace was quick, the writing was smart, and the insights were ones I never really considered/correlated before, so it kept my interest. Freakonomics is definitely worth a read.

Runner-up of the month was The Keepsake. My awesome mom got me this book for some reason and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would - especially because I think it's a book that is/was part of an ongoing series I of which I am not familiar. It was the first book I read this month and it got me motivated to start reading for pleasure again. Thanks mom!

The Fluness

2008-10-28T14:39:00.002-04:00

I have just survived a three day, knock down, drag out boxing match with the Fluness. I haven't had the flu in years and had forgotten how horribly awful it is. Of course I got the flu over the weekend J and I had planned to do much of the baby furniture shopping, so it's postponed to this weekend. Hopefully I'll be up to it. I'm still feeling like a pile of blurgh and the weekend is only a few days away.

Blurgh.

Names, Names, Names

2008-10-23T14:33:00.007-04:00

If y'all have any ideas for baby girl names, I'm open to suggestions. J and I agree on two names as of right now, but I'm not sure if either of them are THE name. You know?

I'm still getting used to the fact that I am having a girl. Even with my old home office no longer my beloved granny smith apple shade of green, repainted to a brilliant color called "cheery" (read a bright reddishorangepink), and slowly morphing into nursery status, I still have a bit of a hard time registering it.

A girl. There is a little girl growing inside of me. Soooo amazingly strange. J has taken to calling me out every time I refer to the baby as "it," and/or The Flash. But The Flash is sooo catchy. I've threated to use that moniker as the middle name, but I don't think J sees the humor in it. At least not like I do.

I wish we could agree on a name. Maybe if we had one, I could stop thinking of this little girl as The Flash, and by her name instead. So help a sister out if you can.

Suggestions?

Phew!

2008-10-22T23:44:00.000-04:00

I finally got my updated voter registration information a few days ago. Phew! At the end of August I realized I needed to update my current address in order to vote in the election this year. With the state of chaos my life was in last year, the address change wasn't a major priority to me, but with an election coming up, I realized I needed to get my change in stat. In Ohio (I'm not sure about other states) you can't change this information online - you have to physically go to the board, send your form to the board via USPS, or physically go to a deputy registrar to take care of the change(s).

Since I didn't want the form to get lost in the mail, I opted to drop off the form at one of the deputy registrar's offices a few miles away from my house. When I got there, the lady working behind the counter seemed a bit surprised that I was dropping my form off at the office and proceeded to inform me that she wasn't quite sure what to do with my address change form. Really?! I would think that if you are employed at the deputy registrar's office you would be aware of what your job entails, and be even more aware of the voter changes that would be coming in with an election only two and a half months away. But then again, knowing how BMVs can sometimes be mysterious mazes of contradicting information, maybe not. I then asked her to get someone who knew what to do with the form, so I knew it would be appropriately taken care of before the election. The lady behind the counter was quite apologetic and congenial, got the other person working there (thankfully who knew what to do, unless I was being paid lip service), and as far as I knew, the situation was taken care of - I should be getting my updated registration in the mail within 2 weeks.

Two weeks pass and no registration. Three weeks. Four. Five. Six...I finally got confirmation that the changes were updated and approved on Monday of this week. I'm thankful I received my updated card from the county board of elections, but I can't help but wonder if it takes this long for everyone to receive their updated information. And if it does this long, how do the people who get their changes in by the 30 day before the deadline know where to go to vote besides downtown to the board of elections? Is their information updated in time to reflect the necessary changes to allow them to vote, or does it literally take several weeks for changes to be reflected?

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but having to wait so long to find out my voter status was causing me a fair amount of anxiety and I wonder if anyone else in this city has felt that way, too. I know you can call the county board to inquire about your status, but it's not always easy to retrieve that information once you start having to go through a tray of automated options and being put on hold for long lengths of time, getting mysteriously cut off, etc. I guess maybe I would just like information to be more readily available to people who need it. I don't remember it taking this long or being this difficult in any other state I've lived in since I was 18, so it just makes me wonder.

Crunching The Credit

2008-10-21T18:40:00.010-04:00

Ever since we found out I was expecting Little Miss Flash, J and I have started working aggressively towards getting ourselves out of debt. For me, this has meant paying off the 3 credit cards in my possession as well as getting my student loan debt in order. As of the end of September, I officially paid off 2 cards in full and am working to get that 3rd paid off before the baby gets here. As far as the student loans go, J has been awesome and is helping me with finding out if I can refinance or get a better payment plan going. So all that has been going on with the aforementioned is a definite positive for us. Less debt = more money saved. Pretty simple when you think about it, but I guess neither of us ever really considered being as aggressive about paying off our revolving balances until we found out about the Flash.

Major life changes, I'm telling you.

When there is a positive, there is often a negative...so to the negative. On Sunday night, J and I were were working and I decided I needed a break. While taking my 15 minute breather, I decided to check on the last credit card I need to pay off. I've been autopaying about 2.5x the minimum balance for the past 4 months, so I hadn't been really monitoring the card seeing as how I haven't used this particular one for several months. If I'm not using the card, there shouldn't be a potential for any transactions, so while I was paying off the other 2 cards, I left the monitoring of this one alone. I shouldn't have.

Apparently someone stole my card or my card number and has been charging pornography to my card since July. When I first pulled up my account summary, I was dumbfounded. My progress was going NOWHERE. Why wasn't my balance going down more than it was - seeing as how I have been paying a good amount over the minimum?

I started examining my statements and discovered mysterious transactions. Not the disgustingly high finance charge. But actual transactions. Transactions with receipt numbers. Transactions that listed the website(s) where said transactions were made. All of these were for pornography. Porn. I don't do porn. And if I were to be all about the porn, I certainly wouldn't purchase it online. Have I mentioned that haven't used this card since last fall? I haven't swiped it since I decided to stop using it until I got my balance down to a more manageable status? And no, J didn't use the card for the porn either.

Whatever happened to the fraud department calling me and asking me about these charges? Mysterious porn charges. The card has been inactive for several months, and then suddenly decent sums of money are being spent on porn. You would think the fraud department would call and inquire. Nope. No dice. Apparently they don't have the time to call people who have more than a 50% balance on their cards, stop making purchases on their card for several months in order to try to pay it down, and ALWAYS pay more than the minimum. I've always been a more than minimum payment maker, just not as high as the past few months.

Long story short. I spent almost 3 hours on the phone with the fraud department on Sunday night. Got my account credited to where it should be. Cancelled the card and am being issued a new one.

I figure there are some scenarios of how this may have happened: someone surreptitiously took the card out of my bag, wrote the numbers down and then started using it; someone went through my garbage and pieced together an old statement I accidentally threw away without shredding; someone somehow got the number by hacking into my secure account and the firewall I have set up on my computer is junk...but then this couldn't really be the case since my other two cards are fine; this credit card company was the victim of some sort of hacker themselves; or something may have happened when i was out of the country in april/may.

What do I think happened? I simply do not know. Which makes me feel completely gross.

What I do know is that I will definitely be checking EVERY SINGLE STATEMENT I RECEIVE MOVING FORWARD. I can't believe something like this happened to me.

Miscellany

2008-10-16T17:21:00.004-04:00

-- I had another appointment with my doctor last week, and again, everything was normal. My next appointment is during the first week of November. I'll be getting the dreaded diabetes test then. MMMmmm...glucola. I only dread the test because I can't stand supersugary things that leave a nasty residue in my mouth, but mostly because of the fact that I will have more blood drawn then. Mere thoughts of veins, needles, and blood makes me lightheaded, so just imagine how it is when blood is actually taken. I'm just hoping to not pass out from the combination of my low blood pressure and anxiety about bloodwork...it's been known to happen. You would think I would be okay with bloodwork and all that comes with it by this point in my life, considering how many stays I've had in hospitals, but I'm not. Well, I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

-- The horrorfest was a pretty good time, although I was displeased with the fact that you weren't allowed to have food or drinks in the theatre. The horrorfest changed venues to the restored Warner Theatre this year, and apparently you aren't allowed to have any noshies in there. Zero. Zilch. Nothing. No popcorn. No licorice. No soda pop. Not even water. Being a pregnant waterfiend, I was displeased. On the positive tip, I did get to see some interesting long and short films, spend time with a couple of my sisters and a nephew, and I got to meet some new people.

-- While I was away in Erie, J altered the cleaning and painting plans a bit. He ended up priming and painting the baby room, and priming about half of the basement room. While it wasn't everything he intended to get done, it was a good chunk. This weekend we ideally be finishing the cleanout of the basement room, moving the office furniture from the baby room to the basement, and possibly getting 2/3 of the painting done down there. It seems like somewhat of a lofty goal considering we both have work to do this weekend, but I am hopeful we can get a chunk of the HI stuff done.

-- Next weekend we are taking a trip south to West Virginia to visit J's mom. On the way back we are stopping off at the IKEA in Pittsburgh to purchase essentials for the baby room and other items for the changes we are making. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't overwhelmed with all of this. I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't excited though, too.

Eerie Horror Film Festival

2008-10-07T16:54:00.006-04:00

I'm being kicked out of the house over the weekend so that, in theory, J can prime and maybe paint the basement bonus room, move the heavy office furniture downstairs, and more or less make that space functional.

What am I going to do? Leave ClevelandOH on Thursday, head to EriePA, and watch scary movies with sisters Kat and Becky, and my nephew, Jacob.

How thrilled am I?

I Should Set Up Camp At The Home Depot

2008-10-04T13:06:00.014-04:00

This weekend marked the beginning of major interior house changes J and I will be making over the next year plus. Since it has been decided we will be staying in Cleveland for at least the next 4-5 years (unless a South America move for all of us becomes a reality), we are finally going to invest the buckage into the house to modernize, increase longer-term value, and generally make it more of our own vs. investing minimal money to make minor changes in order to sell the house. I will be taking pictures along the way.

The master list of home improvement projects includes five relatively large undertakings:

1. (Re)finish the half-finished basement bonus room. Make functional for home office and family/play room
2. Baby Room. Painting, furniture, organization.
3. Living room. Reposition room for traffic flow, install new lighting, paint, move and reinstall home theatre system. We need a new couch since our current one is way too large for the space, but I know the new couch dream won't likely happen for at least a year.
4. Demo and gutting of the upstairs. Build a master suite and one additional upstairs bedroom vs. the two strangely small walk-in closet sized "bedrooms" and master.
5. Demo of the kitchen. Install a modern, functional kitchen space.

This weekend we purchased a new flat screen television and started cleaning out the bonus room in the basement. J and our friend Chris moved the old 60 inch projection tv that was in the living room down to the basement since I'm unable to do heavy lifting, then unloaded the new tv, and put it together in a temporary, makeshift set-up since J and I will be getting the living room completed within the next month.

We have a pretty hefty undertaking ahead of us, but I'm thrilled to be doing it. I suppose since finding out I was pregnant, I've become more mindful of the home I want for my family instead of my typical modus operandi: the highly nomadic, bachelor(ette)-pad-minded Karoline. Does that make sense? And while Cleveland, OH isn't my ideal location to live, I do want a livable, comforting, secure, warm environment for the baby.

It's A Girl

2008-09-30T14:38:00.002-04:00

i am spawning a girl
Originally uploaded by thesynesthetic

That's right, people! On Friday, September 26, I found out I am having a girl who will be joining the world in February 2009. According to the doctor everything looked good, and we received a dvd of the ultrasound as well as these loverly 3D pictures you see here on the side of this post. The baby was again veeery active and moving around during the majority of the appointment and is still moving around like an Olympic gymnast on a daily basis.

I have been slowly gaining girth and a more rotund stomach with no extra thanks to the baby's latest obsession with Amy Joy Doughnuts and ongoing penchant for Mexican food, but as long as I am remaining active and positive, I'm really not obsessing about my size too much. I posted a couple 20 week Karoline Is Spawning Baby pictures on my flickr account, so you can see what I'm talking about.

Slacker Uprising

2008-09-22T15:15:00.008-04:00

As I think it is important to be aware of what is said, written, filmed, drawn, and any other form of artistic rendering from left- and right-wing political commentarists out there, I'm excited about this: Slacker Uprising. Tomorrow, or tonight at midnight depending on how you look at it, Michael Moore will be releasing his film on his 62 city tour leading up to the 2004 election for free to the masses.

I'll Miss You, DFW

2008-09-21T14:30:00.017-04:00

I don't know what rock I've been living under for the past week, but today I found out that one of my favorite authors, David Foster Wallace, committed suicide on September 12.

Introduced to his work during my first year of undergrad in Arizona through a conversation I had with one of my TAs, I didn't give much thought to Wallace's writing until a year after this conversation even though I did read one of DFWs books before then. It all started one day while my TA and I were going through one of my essays which was going to be entered into the freshman composition publication contest for the following year's textbooks, and my teacher made mention of how he had noticed my writing style more or less rejected typical norms (whatever that meant...I think he was just trying impress me) and my thought process adhered to a more post-modernistic perspective - much like David Foster Wallace. Who was Wallace? Why had I not heard of this author before? Post-modernistic? Really?

I come to find out that David Foster Wallace was a UA alum. Small world, eh? And while I kind of disagreed with my TA about my personal style of writing, I thought I should read some of DFWs work, so I picked up The Broom of the System and read it over the course of a couple days. I thought it was good, but I had no deep thoughts regarding the essays. At the time I was a nineteen year old who, in her free time, was more concerned with caloric intake and how to burn off mysterious fat that wasn't really there, so my deeper thoughts were mostly limited to the several credit hours I was taking combined with my psychotic exercise regimen.

Fast forward to late fall 1997, sophomore year. I was unwillingly pushed into recovery for the first time during my adult life. And with this particular stint at recovery came less exercise, and less exercise meant more free time to do things I wouldn't normally do in years previous, so I bought DFWs book, Infinite Jest. I read it over the course of two weeks, and then had to read it a second time. I'm not going to go into the story line(s), but this one thousand plus page book changed my life. Literally. It changed my perspective on the writing craft - the many different possibilities on how to tackle subject matter, creating characters while injecting my spin and narrative, ensuring inclusion of theoretical concepts, how attempting to write philosophically did not have to equate to pretension, and among other things, introducing me to my love of metaphysics.

Many people claim that DFW wrote an esoteric, elitist tract in Infinite Jest, but I would have to disagree. Yes, the book is lengthy and filled with parody and theory, but that doesn't necessarily make it esoteric. You should give it a read and see what you think. In fact I still have my battered copy of Infinite Jest. Complete with highlighted passages, notes in the margins, and its dog-eared, yellowed pages. I've had the book for over ten years and I've probably read it about ten times. Every time I read it, I get some new insight out of it.

DFW was one of the most talented contempory writers of the twentieth century. And while it saddens me to think he committed suicide, I cannot say it surprised me based upon what I know of his life and his works. He showed glimmers of his depression in some of his writings and he certainly analyzed everything. I mean, he could turn something seemingly fun and possibly trivial into a complete existential crisis - as an example, read his article on the Maine Lobster Festival, "Consider the Lobster." I guess I just think that someone who thinks that much, is bound to do something drastic. And while I am no great theorist or writer, I understand how thinking too much takes its toll on one, thus leading to drastic measures taken. News of his death also forces me reflect on my own writing and life.

Will I ever be able to get back to my own constantly morphing style of pomo writing? Will I ever get be able to get around the roadblocks in my brain? Will I ever write again as writer versus mere thought thrower outer? I feel I have become "dumbed down" over the past several years working the grind in the business world as HR champion and writer of the technical. Is it true? Am I dumber? Or is it just self-sabotage? This is all a mystery to me, but something for me to ponder.

Thank you David Foster Wallace for the gifts you bestowed upon the world. Your presence will be missed.

18 Weeks

2008-09-12T22:25:00.006-04:00

I never thought I would be one of those gals whose blog would start to revolve around her pregnancy babies galore once she made the offish announcement. But I am. I feel kind of embarassed and my face flushes when I think about this, but it has happened, so why not revel in it? I spare my readers the details they probably don't want to hear about such as my bowel movements and vomitaciousness, yet I am also sure I overshare to an extent as well. I cannot make everyone happy, but I try to respect the fact that not everyone is interested in hearing about such things as my body functions.

Today marks the beginning of week 18. I had my second doctor's appointment on Wednesday, and everything looked and sounded normal. My vitals were still a-okay with my blood pressure remaining quite low (looow = normal to me), which was both a relief and a surprise since I wasn't the most active person the first four months of the baby incubating. I still need to improve on my eating habits, which is an ongoing process and I'm trying to make it work. I want to do everything I can to make the last 4.5 months as smooth and comfortable as possible for both me and the Flash.

Speaking of the Flash, I started to feel it moving around a couple weeks ago - the Saturday of Labor Day weekend to be exact. You know, after the mysterious virus I had that kept me laid up for a week. J and I decided to go out to eat that Saturday night, and let me tell you the Flash was thoroughly excited I was up and moving and out of the house. I just had to have Italian food that night, and since Mama Santa's was still closed due to the Feast, J and I decided to chain it and go to Olive Garden. On the drive to the OG (the first time I had been to one in Cleveland), J and I were talking and then suddenly I felt as though butterflies were trying to release themselves from my belly push themselves up through my throat. It was the strangest, most surreal, yet most natural sensation I have ever had. It continued throughout the evening and I had to box up my meal after a few bites.

Since then the Flash has been quite active. In fact, at my appointment this week the Flash was moving around so much while my doctor was checking the heart rate, it took several minutes to get the reading. She finally got the heart rate - which was 145-155 (normal), but it was rather funny. I'm going to have a very busy baby methinks. Now I just have to wait two more weeks for the ultrasound that will tell me what the Flash's sex is. I have a feeling this is going to be a veeery long two weeks. September 26 can't get here fast enough!

Zoo Day

2008-09-04T18:27:00.005-04:00

Instead of going to the Falls or Canadialand over Labor Day weekend, we decided to stay in Cleveland. We headed to the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo on Monday and had a really good time looking at the animals. I didn't get around to the camel ride, but J did agree to ride the train with me since I was unable to go to Cedar Point this summer due to impending baby. It was supercheesy, but a good time was had. Check out the pictures: Cleveland Zoo.

I Have A Confession To Make...

2008-09-03T17:31:00.002-04:00

I totally watched the series premiere of the revamped 90210 last night. And I enjoyed it.

Back In The Saddle

2008-09-03T12:32:00.005-04:00

I'm beginning to feel less like a barf machine and more like a human again. I'm going to knock on some wood now. I didn't know morning sickness would be so volatile and last for such a long time, but I guess the reality is I really didn't know a whole lot about the potential pregnancy woes coming into this. You would think with six sisters and thirteen nieces and nephews I might have some idea. I did not. Regardless, I found out firsthand, am reading enough books, and talk(ed) with some of my sisters about all this pregnancy stuff.

Now that I am beginng to feel human again, I'm trying to ramp up to more billable work hours and I decided to take up my regular or a slightly modified exercise regimen. For the past four months I haven't really been able to exercise regularly and now I feel like I can without retching every 20 minutes. My goal is to workout 4-5 times a week by walking and jogging 3-5 miles a day inside or outside when weather permits, biking 20-30 miles on a stationary, doing light weights, or dancercising to my trusty Core Rhythms dvds. Oh yes, I got those dvds when I was feeling like death warmed over and thinking I would probably not be able to leave my house for months because of The Flash. And the dvds are surprisingly not bad. Now it's just a bonus that I can leave the house ;) So I've exercised the past three days and my body hurts. I can't believe how much it does hurt. The pain is similar to what I've experienced a day or two after running a marathon. Can a sister ever win?

J has encouraged me to get into a pregnancy yoga class, too, which I'm becoming more receptive to doing; Although, I still have my reservations since I have two things going against me when it comes to yoga: 1. I am one of the least flexible people I know, and, 2. It is almost impossible for me to relax. It's been challenging enough to get my body to move correctly to aerobic dance moves since I am also lacking in the graceful coordination department (which I still find humorous because I was great at derby which requires a good amount of coordination and grace), and my balance has been completely off for the past couple months, so yoga could be funny...or frustrating. I guess I'll just wait to make the yoga decision after I find out more details from J after he gets information from his boss' wife who is a yoga instructor here.

That's the long and short of it.

Books Read - August 2008

2008-08-29T00:10:00.000-04:00

Caroline Cooney, The Face on the Milk Carton
Joe Hill, 20th Century Ghosts
E.L. Konigsburg, The View from Saturday
Dean Koontz, Brother Odd
Flannery O’Connor, Everything That Rises Must Converge
Joyce Carol Oates, Expensive People
Philip Pullman, The Golden Compass

Wanderlust

2008-08-28T18:45:00.004-04:00

I've been laid up with some sort of virus the past few days and haven't been able to leave the house. And while I typically don't mind being a shut-in to an extent, absolutely not being able to leave my house for fear of the sudden tossing of cookies, has made me a bit cagey and lusting for some wandering. I started feeling better last night and feel about the same today, so I'm hoping tomorrow I'll be up and ready to face the outside world.

After being shut inside all week, I decided that I really want to go on a short trip this weekend. It is a three-day weekend after all. But I wonder if I can persuade J into this...probably not, since he'll be leaving the country in about ten days. Blargh. I feel like this is the best time to do something fun and just for us since everything is going to drastically change in five short months. And my morning sickness (read: I've had the worst possible type of it you can imagine - twenty-four/seven, all day and night sickness) has abated to no more than a few times a week, so I feel now is the time for something fun. Nothing major like a flight west or anything, but maybe a roadtrip to Niagara Falls or somewhere in Canada.

We had talked about taking a trip about a month and a half ago, but ultimately decided against it because of home improvement projects and landscaping we could better spend the money on, but I've got some seriously itchy feet and I don't think my plans to visit Erie next weekend are going to quell the travelchitch. But who knows? If the weather here actually cooperates for once, maybe it will be a good productive landscaping weekend.

Just Call Me Karoline Fat Pants

2008-08-27T18:17:00.012-04:00

May I speak openly?

One thing no one ever tells you when you are becoming full of baby is that you will wake up one day and your pants simply don't fit you anymore. This happened to me this past week. I popped. In a weird, I look like I've been eating too many Twinkies and Ho-hos kind of way. I have an interesting little, hard babybump belt below my bellybutton. I knew I was likely going to start showing in the fourth month, but I didn't know how suddenly my pants wouldn't fit right anymore. I've had a hard enough time adjusting to the new size of my chest - hello, two cup size increase already and they're supposedly going to get bigger! - and now, suddenly, I have to get used to being a completely new size by buying bigger pants for my new spare tire, wear yoga pants all the time, or take a deep breath and pony up and wear the very strange stretchtop pants.

This is new territory. I can't control my expanding belly and chest and not having control over it is kind of a frightening concept to me. And while I've been in recovery for well over a year and a half, I've been obsessing a bit about my size and other stuff that goes with the ever-familiar unhealthy territory that consumed over half my life. This is the territory I am proactively trying to steer relatively clear of presently and futurewise, and it is proving to be quite a challenge to steer clear of it while coping with the rapid body changes I am experiencing - some of which seem to happen overnight.

Sooo I thought I'd air my insanity out here, just to at least try to get my thoughts out in the open (a forum where my partner in crime doesn't look at me as though I am utterly ridiculous...and even if said partner is raising eyebrows at me right now, I, at least, can't see him); Because yes, I've been thinking about trying to control my size, weight, space, but then my wisemind kicks in and tells me that I know that I need to nourish myself not just for me anymore. It's a two party nutritionfest. And thus far I think I've been pretty great about everything considering this huge life-changing factor - and I hate to say it but I'm going to anyways - it probably helped that I lost weight the first two months and then balanced/plateaued for almost the past two months. How sick does that last statement sound? My doctor would probably have a heyday with that one.

Sometimes it's just hard to breathe when I start to think about the massive body changes I am going through and will be going through. I know as long as I keep myself in check, everything will work out okay. Keep my eyes on the prize - a happy, healthy baby. Some days are just better than others.

Soup's Up

2008-08-23T17:21:00.004-04:00

Today I was searching the webernets for a good soup recipe. And what did I come across? A recipe for Panera Bread's Broccoli Cheddar Soup. I'm a little surprised at how excited I am about this. Especially considering what a food queer I am. Just a few months ago, this find would probably be considered small potatoes. But today it's not. The Flash is definitely telling me it wants soup NOW. Even though it is almost ninety degrees outside. I'll let you know how it tastes after I test-drive the recipe.

The Official News

2008-08-12T16:50:00.006-04:00

Remember that life-altering thing I wrote about awhile back?

Here goes:

belly balm for my pregnant belly
Originally uploaded by thesynesthetic

I am pregnant. So guess what? I'm having a baby.

I've named it The Flash for now since we don't know what sex it is, and because of another reason which I am not going to delve into right now. But if you think reeeeeally hard about it, you might figure it out. J reeeally wanted to name it The Brain after we saw the ultrasound on Monday, but I had to put the kibosh on that one.

Where am I at right now? Well, I successfully made it through my first trimester, and am 13 weeks and a few days along. My due date is on Valentine's Day. The baby is normal and healthy, and the heart rate is good. I think that's about all I have for right now.

I will be finding out what the sex of the baby is on September 26. (Hopefully!)

While this was unexpected, I am terribly excited and hopeful.

Books Read - July 2008

2008-08-10T16:21:00.002-04:00

Brock Cole, The Goats
Caroline Cooney, The Terrorist
Lois Duncan, Killing Mr. Griffin
Katherine Dunn, Geek Love
Dave Eggers, You Shall Know Our Velocity
Nora Ephron, I Feel Bad About My Neck
E.L. Konigsburg, The Outcasts of 19 Schuyler Place
Dean Koontz, Odd Thomas
Dean Koontz, Forever Odd

I highly recommend Geek Love to anyone who loves a challenging read. I'm not going to write about how it might challenge you, as I think you need to discover that for yourself. I will tell you this book is possibly the Karoline favorite of the year. At least thus far. But it will be hard to top.

Give Me a K-N-O-X

2008-07-26T13:28:00.005-04:00

The seven hour trip turned into an eleven hour trip, but I finally made it to Knoxville around 1230AM last night. I have a special word of advice to ColumbusOH commuters or people roadtripping through Columbus - if you would stop driving like total a*holes (read: cutting people off, not using your turn signals, neglecting to use your rear and sideview mirrors, talking on your phone instead of paying attention to the road, ETC.) in the midst of construction and with it being late afternoon on a Friday, maybe, just maybe, there wouldn't be several accidents within the span of a few miles.

Now that I am done with my rant, let me just say I am thankful to have not happened to be on the receiving end of one of the accidents and I am happy I made it to my destination safely. I want to also say there is absolutely no fun to be had when you are stuck in a car for 2.5 hours and only move forward approximately five miles during that timeframe. And it is not safe for one's kidneys either. I almost peed my pants. Thend.

My New Favorite

2008-07-21T15:08:00.000-04:00

Homeslices II

2008-07-11T17:20:00.005-04:00

I watch as you carelessly slosh the spiced rum with lime around in your glass. Your body moves with such familiarity and ease, I feel like crying. If you only knew how the smell of patchouli had always sickened me until you. Now I can't seem to get enough. Of you. Entwined on your beat-down brown and orange plaid couch, we breathe each other in and speak of climbing mountains - taking on the world! Relentless rpms, spinning circles around us and between us. We listen to the sounds of the earth - life pounding in our ears, pressing us to move. Writhing, panting, sweating. We are tired of this dance, yet we cannot seem to stop.

Happy 4th!

2008-07-04T14:09:00.004-04:00

Happy 4th of July, to my United States readers.

I thought I'd post some of the more colorful k-klassic youtube and atom faves for your viewing pleasure. You know, in case you aren't watching fireworks this evening. And even if you are going to watch skyfires, you should watch these vids anyways; Because they are AWESOME.

"Look At Me" Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players (performed live on Conan)

"Jan Pehechaan Ho" from the Bollywood film, Gumnaam

"Gem Sweater" Leslie and the Lys

Atom.com: Funny Videos Funny Cartoons Comedy Central

"Konichiwa Bitches" Robyn

"Security Anthem" Kent Lambert

There is one more veeery colorful video I wanted to post, but didn't. You may remember I made a pair of spankies in homage to the song, but thought I should refrain in posting this particular video. Maybe another time.

I'm Going To Blame It On The Boogie

2008-07-04T13:52:00.004-04:00

I've been in a Michael Jackson maniacal music phase for a little over two months. Most of the music of his I can't seem to stop listening to ranges from MJs time with the Jackson 5 to his album, Bad. And while I listened to Michael Jackson a bit while growing up...hello, THRILLER!!!...I can't say I ever displayed an OCD tendency to listen to his music in much the way I have over the past two months. It's really beginning to annoy me, but I know I won't stop 'til I get enough.

Just a random thought on my mind right now.

iTuneage A Go-Go

2008-07-03T08:37:00.011-04:00

I snaked this meme from my friend, Shannon, whose bloglink is conveniently located to the right on your screen. I've seen this particular meme a few times here and there, but after reading Shannon's, I was compelled to do one as well. And since I do always say that getting to know another's musical tastes/interests/etc. is one of the top five ways to really get to know someone, I thought I'd give y'all a glimpse of what's on my iPod/iTunes. So. Enjoy.

Total Length:
5078 songs, 19.28gb

First & Last Songs (sorted by title):
- A-Team Theme (John Swihart)
- 90% of My Mind Is With You (Prefuse 73)

Shortest & Longest Songs:
- For the shortest, it's a tie with a bunch of Napoleon Dynamite intros, but the first one is: Pull In Town (Dialog)
- Decline (NOFX)

First & Last Albums (by title):
- Abbey Road (The Beatles)
- '80s Gold (Compilation)

First & Last Artist:
- a-ha
- 50 Cent

Top 5 Most Played Songs:
1. Fake Palindromes (Andrew Bird)
2. Very Loud (Shout Out Louds)
3. Discotraxx (Ladytron)
4. Little Lover's So Polite (Silversun Pickups)
5. Coma Girl (Joe Strummer)

Search for the following words. How many songs show up?
~Sex: 15
~Death: 21
~Love: 340
~You: 631
~Home: 18
~Boy: 93
~Girl: 124

First 5 songs that come up on Party Shuffle:
1. Supernova (Liz Phair)
2. And I'm Gone (Prefuse 73)
3. Danger! High Voltage (Electric Six)
4. Meat and Potatoes [bonus track] (Belle & Sebastian)
5. One Of Us (Leonard Cohen)

Now for the questions. The Rules:
1. Put your music player on shuffle
2. Press forward for each question
3. Use the song title as the answer to your question
4. NO CHEATING

Q: What does the next year have in store for you?
A: Commissioning a Symphony in C (Cake)

Q: What does your love life look like next year?
A: Pump It Up (Elvis Costello)
Aaaahahahahahahaha!

Q: What do you say when life gets hard?
A: Cloud On My Tongue (Tori Amos)

Q: Song that reminds you of the good times?
A: Bukowski (Modest Mouse)
I'm not sure if cross-references and religion and debating and life meaning and death would necessarily remind me of "good times," but it does appeal to my cerebral side.

Q: What do you think of when you get up in the morning?
A: Little Red Light (Fountains of Wayne)
Whatta randomata choice by the computer.

Q: What song will you dance to at your wedding?
A: After Hours (Velvet Underground)
Interesting.

Q: Song that reminds you of your first kiss?
A: Sound (James)

Q: Your favorite saying?
A: Anorexic Beauty (Pulp)
Not so much anymore. Although it is quite catchy.

Q: Favorite place?
A: Radio Free Europe (R.E.M.)

Q: Most missed memory?
A: Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go (Wham!)
Say whaaat?

Q: What song describes your best friend?
A: The Ballad of Jimmy & Johnny (Rancid)

Q: What song describes your ex?
A: Dilate (Ani Difranco)
Wow Bob Wow. Not just one ex. And perhaps something to do with me.

Q: Where would you go on your first date?
A: Tony the Beat (The Sounds)
Oh man, according to this, I'm a total slut! Yeah, well, I suppose we all have our days.

Q: Drug of choice?
A: Baby, I Need Your Lovin' (Four Tops)
Hey, lovin isn't such a bad drug of choice. :) But is this a trend being set by my music player?

Q: What song best describes you?
A: Everest (Ani Difranco)

Q: What is the thing you like doing most?
A: Cream Soda (Supercar)

Q: What song best describes the president?
A: Measuring Cups (Andrew Bird)

Q: Where will you be in ten years?
A: The Color Of Tempo (Prefuse 73)
How interpretive.

Q: Your love life right now?
A: All My Friends (LCD Soundsystem)

Q: What is your state of mind at the moment?
A: My Generation (The Who)

Q: How will you die?
A: Walking On Sunshine (Katrina and the Waves)
That's what I'm talkin' about.

***Several Hours Later***

So after going back and reading this, I am surprised I had no special appearances from Pink Floyd, Belle & Sebastian, Stevie Wonder, Liz Phair, Beatles, Harry Chapin, Rolling Stones, Radiohead, Ben Folds, Springsteen (who is in my opinion one of the best poets from Jersey), Ladytron...I could go on and on. I guess I'm just a bit shocked there weren't more cameos from artists I have multiple upon multiple tracks and albums from over the years. And after doing this, it kind of makes me want to actually follow through with putting my tuneage onto another hard drive and then finally finish importing the approximately 1200 cds I have hidden from public view in the bottom drawer of my filing cabinet in the home office as well as the boxes under my bed.

What is that saying where a man is worth his weight in...? I'm so bad with euphemisms. Anyways, I suppose you could say Karoline is worth her weight in music and books. I'm not even sure if I am using that correctly or not, but when I think about the material items of which I probably have more than a ton, the items are likely music and books. Clothes might come in third, but I did recently clean out my closets and give away all the clothes I wore during my suprema-extrema eating disordered days. I have no need to be that tiny anymore. I still, to this day, really can't believe I was actually that small. Kind of gross. But that's a whole different post for another time and date. Word.